The Minority Report - "Wreck-It Ralph" (2012)

I remember spending endless quarters in arcades. I am not old enough to remember the prime time of the arcade cabinet, but instead I was playing the classics with my reminiscing father in the belly of the slow dying beast. It was only a few years ago that the arcade finally closed their doors after years of struggling, but I am still sentimental about playing video games in an arcade. I would like to think that the people who made Wreck-It Ralph were similar to my father and me. People who grew up playing these games, respect these games, and are current with the state of video games and the arcade.

I am not biased positively because I like video games as much as I do. In fact, I view myself as a more skeptical and difficult critic to impress. What is the short verdict? I loved Wreck-it Ralph. This is how you correctly do a video game movie. It’s a story that has many levels, there is an emotional connection between characters, it tackles the bullying issue, and it looks at the presence of arcades in America. All of these issues work with the touching story that tells, unlike the earlier Disney animated movies that came out this year like Brave. I left that movie with a sour taste in my mouth, but Wreck-It Ralph redeemed Disney and left me with perhaps the most entertaining movie of the year, if not one of the best.

The story follows Ralph (voiced by John C. Reilly) who is a villain in his video game, Fix-it Felix, and wants to become a hero. Other video games make appearances in cameos (Qbert, Sonic, Bowser, etc.) and they all interact with the world that Ralph inhabits. He leaves his video game to go into another (a big no-no) to try and achieve greatness. He then goes into Hero’s Duty and causes chaos by dragging the sergeant (Jane Lynch) into the adventure. Afterwards, Ralph finds himself in the kart racing game Sugar Rush—a colorful world that features references to far more than video games. Here, he meets a small lovable girl named Vanellope von Schweetz (Sarah Silverman), who happens to be a “glitch” in the game. It is the relationship between Ralph and von Schweetz that truly inspires the movie. It’s touching and loving. It may take place in a virtual world, but it hits home in reality.

A surprise to me was the music in the movie. Henry Jackman has a sweeping soundtrack that compliments the films feel and ever changing tones. More current artists (Owl City, Skrillex) also are in the movie, which I do not hate (in fact, for the most part, I enjoyed it). There was one misstep concerning a Rihanna song, which seemed forced. The film is absolutely gorgeous. I saw the movie in 3D, which I enjoy. I feel this movie would be just as good without the 3D, though. The dialogue is intelligent and quick-moving. Overall, it is a clever and creative film that had me crying as well as laughing. The one issue I have with the movie is the ending concerning the chase and final battle. It bugged me because this event seemed too long and its villain seemed too frightening for small children.

“I’m gonna Wreck it!” is a phrase that still brings a smile to my face. This movie is nothing like watching paint dry. The final product is admiral art, just like its subject matter.

By V-Dawg

The Minority Report - "Lincoln" (2012)

The so-called “ploy” of Watching Paint Dry is that we have a college-aged perception on modern movies that come out. Our movie criticism is built on a few college-level courses in film, our unique majors which do not relate to films, and the countless number of other films that we have seen. That being said, Lincoln is a great movie. I do not recommend it if you are going on a date or in the mood for a high-flying adventure. The movie is definitely made for an older generation—its lack of visual stimuli (that is not to say it isn't pretty, because the cinematography is fantastic), for example. This movie was like watching an intriguing, down to Earth old man sit down in various places and tell stories. The intriguing aspect comes from the fact that the old man is President Lincoln in the heat of the debate over the 13th amendment.

I am not going to go over the synopsis of the film, because it is about Lincoln. We all should know the trials and tribulations of Lincoln. If not, go read some things. In fact, this movie is based on the novel Team of Rivals: The Political Genius of Abraham Lincoln by Doris Goodwin. So, if you know Lincoln and know the history, why should you go see this movie? It is truly the phenomenal acting and excellent writing that make this seem like you are seeing the president in a new light.

Daniel-Day Lewis is Lincoln in this film. There was not a doubt in my mind that this is how the president would be (having never met the man, I cannot fully answer confidently on how Lincoln would act, but still). The film is exceptional in the way it treats the story of the 13^th amendment, its viewing of how American was then, and the depiction of the emotional toll the Civil War had on Americans. This also showcased the emotional strain that leading the country in such a vital time had.

It is hard to not like Lincoln, as it would be almost anti-patriotic to dislike this movie. There are a few items I did not like. Gulliver McGrath’s (playing Lincoln’s youngest son) performance was serviceable, but not the greatest. The ending also did a strange reflection of Lincoln in a flame on his death bed (Spoilers?). Overall this movie is compelling because of the intriguing character of Lincoln and the excellent acting. We will be seeing this movie, not as paint on the wall, but instead winning awards when the season arrives.

By V-Dawg

PS. I am proud of myself for writing this review absent of any Lincoln being shot, hat, or tall jokes/puns. 

The Minority Report - "The Hobbit - An Unexpected Journey" (2012)

“Far over the misty mountains cold

To dungeons deep and caverns old.”

My Sunday probably started much like everyone else’s: I woke up in a sunny tropical island and thought “I’m gonna go see a movie!” Obviously, I chose Peter Jackson’s latest entry into his JRR Tolkien-based franchise—The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey. Now, I didn’t see it opening day because of two reasons: I had work and I have no friends. Let’s get real here, though, if I didn’t have work, I would have gone by myself. This film has been a very very hotly anticipated film and, I believe, might have suffered from it. First it was one movie, then two, now three; it was done in 48fps, which some people were upset about; the props and sets looked “fake” for a while there; and etc. All of this culminated in me entering the movie theater and there being maybe 20 people there, to my surprise. The movie was plagued with problems but, in the end, it has made a killing in the box office thus far (kicking out I Am Legend as the highest grossing December weekend box office hit) and I believe it turned out fairly well.

The movie begins with Bilbo Baggins (Martin Freeman) writing a narrative of his adventure 60 years prior. Gandalf (Ian McKellen) had tricked Bilbo into hosting a dinner party/get-together with Thorin Oakenshield (Richard Armitage) and a gang of 12 dwarves. It is here that he learns of their strife and their mission: journey to The Lonely Mountain, defeat the dragon Smaug, and take back that which has been taken from them. In their plan, Bilbo is supposed to be the “thief.” After some initial hesitation, Bilbo decides to join their party as they attempt to reclaim their lost kingdom. Along the way, we encounter orcs, trolls, goblins, and elves as we journey up the tallest mountains and down the deepest caves.

Fraught with dazzling special effects and beautiful landscapes, this movie is sure to thrill. It suffers from a slow, expository beginning that revels in details that were present in Unfinished Tales, Silmarillion, and the Appendix of The Return of the King, but picks up as soon as there’s enough backstory. The movie is very accurate to the history of Middle Earth and the book it’s based on (save some minor changes). But, because of this, it feels long-winded and full to the brim of things it makes you think you should know, but you can’t seem to put your finger on. I believe it suffers from prequel-it is: it attempts to set up everything for the future films while, at the same time, going through Bilbo and Thorins’ character arc. It does it well enough, but, in doing so, misses the mark slightly. Even still, I would highly recommend it and I, personally, enjoyed it very much. I do think that Andy Serkis and Martin Freeman killed as their respective roles, even though the whole cast did a phenomenal job. This movie is slightly like watching paint dry that was filmed at 48fps, so at least it looks more real.

By Kulguy

The Minority Report - "Puss in Boots" (2011)

I do not like the “Shrek” movies—the origin of this adorable little, Spanish kitty. Luckily, this spin-off completely severs itself from the “Shrek” movies, besides including the character Puss (Antonio Banderas) and, of course, the universe it takes place in. This is, in my opinion, the best thing that “Puss in Boots” could do. The movie not only successfully carves its own path, but also ends up being an entertaining movie.

The story is a motley of impressively intertwined fairy tales placed in a Western European setting. The story delves into the origins of Puss and his upbringing. It also includes his old time buddy, Humpty Dumpty (Zach Gilifiianakis) and his thief companion, Kitty Softpaws (Salma Hayek). I do not want to spoil the story, as it is actually very creative and full of surprises, so I will stop here.

The animation is brilliant and beautiful. The scenery and environment reminded me of the Nickelodeon-produced movie “Rango,” except it didn’t come across as desolate, rather it was more vibrant. I saw this movie in 3D and, yes, it made for the usual more immersive experience, but this movie does not need it. I will also mention that I took a girl on a date during this movie and it was a good choice—it was adorable. This is a movie good for kids and adults alike. In the end there is nothing much to say about this movie besides that it’s a fine animated film, better then the “Shrek” movies, and very enjoyable. This movie was like watching a painting dry that creatively combines several other paintings into one unique experience that is highly entertaining.


By V-Dawg

The Minority Report - "Immortals" (2011)

“Immortals” is not the epic, “300”-level movie that people were anticipating. It will not be remembered, and will quickly fade from the memories of those who paid for this visual spectacle. This movie is essentially the film equivalent of fireworks. It is pretty to look at, the audience will “ooh” and “ah,” but it will not make you feel any emotion deeper than “man, this is pretty.” Really, this movie is like the hot blonde at the bar: full of attractive looks, but cannot carry on a conversation for longer than five seconds (no offense to blondes, you’re all lovely women). The point is that “Immortals” is not winning any awards, but is capable of holding your attention for the entire running time.

The story follows Theseus (Henry Cavill) and his exploits fighting the Hyperion army led by their king (Mickey Rourke), while the gods intervene to help prevent the release of the titans. The story has been told countless times and is cliché. The dialogue essentially boils down to primitive grunts and gestures. It is just an excuse to drive the story along to lead the audience from one stunning looking local or amazing fight scene to the next. Speaking of the fight scenes, they are over the top, ludicrously bloody, and grizzly—what else could you want!? The acting is as unimpressive as the script. Regardless, this film was entertaining.

In the end, Immortals is nothing too special. It will not change your life or make you think. But, if you are looking for a movie to just turn off your brain after a long week at work, then this movie will do the trick. It is as violent as it is gorgeous. It is like watching a beautiful painting of a shirtless man kicking ass dry.


By V-Dawg

The Caucasian Report - "I Love You Phillip Morris" (2010)

~Glorious gambits and grand profits~
I had wanted to see this movie for a while, but life had gotten in the way of me actually seeing it until recently. I know what you must be thinking, how could life get in the way of seeing a Jim Carrey movie? Well, I am just as stumped as you are. While we may never have the answer to this question, I will answer the questions you have been dying to know about this movie: is it really about a gay con man? Yes. Do Jim Carrey and Ewan McGregor make a cute couple? Debatable. Does it score a 10 on the laugh-o-meter? No. I was expecting this movie to be hilarious, and while there are definitely some funny parts, it is not meant to be extremely comical. Regardless, I enjoyed this movie and it is definitely worth seeing.

The movie opens with Steven Russell (Jim Carrey) explaining his life as a police officer, husband, and father. Everything seems completely normal for a while, until Steven gets into a car accident and has a moment of clarity—he wants to live the gay life. While still recovering in the hospital, he tells his wife Debbie (Leslie Mann), who is shocked of course, and leaves for Florida to start a new life. The problem is that living the gay life is expensive. In an effort to sustain a lavish lifestyle, Steven starts conning his way into massive amounts of money. He winds up in prison, where he meets Phillip Morris (Ewan McGregor), and almost immediately falls in love. What follows is their love story, complete with elaborate prison escapes and even more convincing cons.

Believe it or not, I think that Carrey might not have been the best actor to cast as the lead. This role highlighted his biggest weakness, crying scenes, and everything that goes along with it (like expressing modesty and humility). I always think the same thing when Carrey starts to cry on the screen: "This is a stretch.” However, McGregor was perfect as the character of Phillip Morris, and I was impressed with his performance. He portrayed the fearful outcast extremely well, as he was able to express vulnerability a lot better than Carrey. The plot was a bit jumpy, weaving between the past and the present several times. In that sense, it is one of those movies you have to pay attention to in order to understand what is going on. There are a few emotionally satisfying scenes scattered through the movie, so wait for those before you make any hard-and-fast judgments. This movie is like watching paint dry on a straight plaster mold and then realizing, upon more careful inspection, it is queerer than you first thought.


By WhiteChick

The Caucasian Report - "Contagion" (2011)

~Mutating Viruses and Moldering Corpses~
It was a Tuesday night at dinner, and two of my friends and I were discussing what we could do to avoid homework. That’s when one of them said that she had to see “Contagion” for a class, as she was supposed to report on five inaccuracies in the film. So, we decided, what better time than the present? We were looking for an excuse to get away from our studies anyway. So, a few hours later, we were headed to the theatre. I had absolutely no idea what to expect from the movie, but the fact that there were at least five inaccuracies did not help me form a positive impression. But hey, at least we accomplished the goal of evading our homework for the evening. That is, two of us did.

As the title describes, the movie is about the spread of disease. It starts off by depicting the story of the first victim of a new virus, Beth Emhoff (Gwyneth Paltrow). She is on her trip back home when she starts to feel ill. By the time she gets home, she is so sick that there is nothing doctors can do for her. Her husband, Mitch Emhoff (Matt Damon), receives the news of his wife’s passing in a fit of denial and rage. Soon, people in the area start dying at an alarming rate, but Mitch finds himself immune. At this point the CDC starts to get concerned, and we meet Dr. Erin Mears (Kate Winslet), an epidemiologist. She starts tracing the source of the disease by researching how victims are related and travels the country to set up clinics. Despite the efforts of the CDC to contain the disease, the epidemic becomes so serious that millions die in a matter of weeks. People desperately try to find home remedies for the disease, as the development of a vaccine turns out to be trickier than anticipated. The rest of the film follows Mitch, Dr. Mears, and the CDC in the race to stop the devastating virus.

This movie is very pretty to watch. What do I mean by that? I mean that it gets an A+ for cinematography, specifically with camera angles and movement. The movie was able to tell a story just with the filming technique employed. Most movies just film people, and therefore rely on people to tell the story. However, this film relied on people and places to tell the story along with seamless transitions and unique shots of inanimate objects. This technique worked very well with the theme of the movie, as we all know how important inanimate objects are in the story of the spread of disease. The parts where this technique is the most salient is at the beginning and the end of the film.

Storytelling is all well and good, but you must be dying to know what the five inaccuracies were. We actually found six! The first inaccuracy is the film explains that half of your immune system comes from your mother, and the other half comes from your father. This is not true, as genetics have nothing to do with immunity. Your immune system develops by coming into contact with foreign things, such as viruses, and creating antibodies to be employed in future defenses. The second inaccuracy is that the movie leads you to believe that a vaccine will work almost instantly, where in reality it takes about 26 days to incubate in your system before you acquire immunity. The third inaccuracy is that doctors tell Mitch he is immune to the virus before they knew what the virus really was. Therefore, they really had no way of testing for the presence of antibodies against the virus in his system. Fourthly, the incubation time for the virus was 24 hours in the film (to make it more threatening) which is a little too short. It usually takes 7-21 days for a virus to incubate and that’s why viruses are so difficult to detect. People can carry the virus without symptoms for awhile and unintentionally infect others. Fifth, the CDC said that the virus mutated and no one mentioned the need to develop another vaccine against the new strain of the virus. The last inaccuracy was the film employed the term pleomorphic to describe the virus, which is a little strange because this term is usually used to describe bigger cells, such as cells belonging to bacteria.

Now that the inaccuracies are out of the way, and that your inner nerd is satisfied, I have one more thing to give you a heads up about: you will wash your hands excessively for a few days after watching this movie, and will probably slightly panic if you sneeze or get a sore throat. This movie is like watching the journey of a tiny spec of paint as it grows and transforms into an unbelievable masterpiece.


By WhiteChick

The Minority Report - "50/50" (2011)

“50/50” does its name justice. It is a brilliant balance of humor and complete sadness. It does what most movies can't—capture the essence of life and how, in tragedy, there is great pain and yet someone can still find glistening hope and, yes, still laugh. It is a tale of pushing through hard times with the support of family and friends, finding out who you really are, and discovering the true character of the people around you. It can easily be said that this is one of the best movies of the year and should definitely be watched.

Do you remember the Adam sandier film "Funny People"? It tried to create a sense of juxtaposition between sadness and comedy—a dramedy, so to speak. But it failed miserably with a piss poor passing, a hard to love main character, and a multitude of other issues. It is almost as if “50/50” took all the mistakes of that film and reversed them. Joseph Gordon-Levitt plays a character who anyone can easily relate to; he is not in your face, and plays back on acting. He is a normal 27 year old, unsure of where he is and wants to be in life and is trying to figure everything out, but in this tempest, he finds out he has a rare form of cancer. The story follows him through the slow realization that cancer has highs of optimism and lows of hopelessness. It is a complicated affair and shows just how severely an occurrence like this can take a toll on a person. Seth Rogen plays his best friend, who at times can be hard to like, but at others melts your heart with his charm and humor. Anna Kendrick also has what is possibly her best acting debut to date, as an inexperienced psychologist that accompanies Gordon-Levitt throughout his emotional rollercoaster.

Cancer can inspire a multitude of effects. It can leave an individual weak and hopeless. Near death can truly bring out who you really are, but it also causes ripples of emotions to the ones around you. This is what this movie is about. Sure, the main character is suffering from an illness, but it is a true observation on how an illness can make the others around you sick, and how to rise above everything even if faced with death, and look towards life and live. In short, I laughed, I cried, and came out of the theater still bogged with the feelings the movie inspired in me. This movie is not like watching paint dry.


By V-Dawg

The Caucasian Report - "Crazy, Stupid, Love." (2011)

~One Night Stand Leads to Love Unplanned~
After watching the trailer for this movie, I said to myself, “That doesn’t even look good.” It appeared like another hopelessly cheesy romantic comedy. So why did I decide to go see it? Well, I thought that there was a chance that my first impression was wrong or that the trailer was misleading. The cast (Steve Carell, Julianne Moore, Emma Stone, Ryan Gosling) was also pretty convincing. When I left the theater, I was surprised at how much I enjoyed it. If you are if-y about seeing this movie like I was, then I say see it because you will be pleasantly surprised.

The movie starts off with a middle-aged man named Cal (Carell) who finds out that his wife, Emily (Moore), wants a divorce. Devastated, he moves out and starts going to a local bar where he meets Jacob (Gosling), a seasoned womanizer. Jacob takes Cal under his wing and proceeds to give him all the “tricks of the trade.” Cal attempts to pick up women night after night to no avail, and is shocked once it finally works. Soon thereafter Jacob meets a girl, Hannah (Stone), that he is interested in getting to know outside of the bedroom. Finding himself in uncharted territory, Jacob now turns to Cal for advice on relationships. During all of this, Cal’s babysitter, Jessica (Tipton), falls in love with him, despite the fact that she is only a teenager. To make things even more complicated, Cal’s son, Robbie (Jonah Bobo), falls in love with Jessica. Tensions and hormones rise between characters, making the rest of the movie pretty crazy and, at times, stupid.

Some romantic comedies go way overboard on emotional content, making them more characteristic of a chick flick, and others lean so far on the comedy side that they shouldn’t even be labeled as a “romcom.” However, this film balanced legitimate humor and heart-felt fuzzies in such a way that is characteristic of a reputable romantic comedy. For that reason, I would not put this film in the “cheesy” category like I thought I would. Also, the fact that there were so many love stories going on simultaneously really keeps you engaged, and it is done in such a way that is not too hard to follow everything that’s going on. Gosling’s performance stood out as it was basically the exact opposite of roles I am used to seeing him in (i.e. “The Notebook”), and it was an impressive transformation. I was also impressed with the twist that happens towards the end. When you watch it, you will know what I’m referring to. I was absolutely not expecting it, and I know most people in my audience weren’t either as I heard several gasps. If you saw it coming then let me know because I want to give you a high five. This movie is like watching different colors of paint drying at once, and realizing that the colors complement each other perfectly.


By WhiteChick

The Minority Report - "Rubber" (2010)

“All great films, without exception, contain an important element of no reason.”
A movie about a tire—yes, I was interested immediately. Before I knew it, I had already shown the trailer to four people, including V-Dawg. The reaction I got was the same: they would not pay money to see the movie. I disagreed. I felt that it was original and quirky enough to merit an opportunity. After a while, V-Dawg called me up and said that “Rubber” was playing in a theater near us and that we should go. Surprised by the change of opinion, I happily agreed. We took a group of people to watch the film, and what follows is my attempt at making sense out of nonsense.

The movie begins with a police officer talking to everyone watching the movie about the importance of nonsense in movies. Things, according to him, happen for no reason whatsoever, and he claims that the movie will take this basic tenet of the film industry to a new level. When he leaves, it is revealed that he was talking to a group of people that will be watching a movie. The only difference is that they are watching the ‘movie’ play out in real time and in real life through binoculars from a mountaintop next to a small town and a desert. Here’s where the story truly begins, for out in the desert lies a lonesome truck tire. Slowly, the tire is observed as it comes to life and moves on its own. The audience follows it in a voyage of self-discovery and consciousness as it attempts to make sense of the world around it. When it discovers a can on the ground, it rolls over it and crushes it. In its glee, it continues crushing miscellaneous objects until it comes across a scorpion and crushes it as well. It seems to notice that the animal was alive before, but that it had taken its life away. Taking some sort of sadistic pleasure from this fact, it continues crushing and killing small objects and animals until it comes across a glass bottle. Because of its sturdiness, the bottle isn’t broken by the continued assault of the psychotic tire. It becomes angered to the point where its entire body shakes and emanates some strange heat and sound until the bottle breaks apart—the tire also possesses telekinesis. It continues to kill other animals until it comes across a man in a gas station and kills him too. Now it is up to the police squad to find out who the mysterious killer is and why it is doing such things in an effort to provide the best entertainment to the audience that is still watching on the mountaintop.

This story within a story is, as V-Dawg very aptly put it, an anti-movie. The basic premise—a telekinetic psycho tire that achieves consciousness—is as ridiculous as it is far-fetched. With very distinct nods to famous movies throughout, irony and dark humor saturate the film. The filmmakers have to be given credit for creating a movie based around a main character that is literally a tire. Watching this film, you will feel everything from intrigue and sadness to confusion. The thing is, that is the point. It makes fun of movies and, consequently, of itself. It is a movie that fulfills the job of spreading its message of not taking anything seriously, seriously. The ultimate irony in the film is that in all its nonsense, it gets the point across beautifully and artistically. Even though it can be slow at times, it was an enjoyable tale of a tire that got a bit carried away. This movie is like watching paint dry on the side of a tire baking under the desert sun.


By Kulguy

The Minority Report - "Horrible Bosses" (2011)

“I was looking at your boss. She makes herself a little snack. A popsicle. A banana. And finally, a hot dog. And eating them in that weird order—that's not a proper meal!”
Seeing the trailer of this movie for the first time, I thought it was a delightful spin on the typical ‘my boss is a jackass’ movie. Taking it to the next level, this group of likely idiots, each with their own horrible boss, is faced with a quandary: what to do about their terrible superiors? Watching this with friends was quite enjoyable, and I got to see it relatively early when it came out in my island. I expected quite a bit from this movie, as I usually possess quite a bit of apprehension when it comes to comedies, and I am happy to say that it didn’t disappoint.

The story centers around Nick Hendricks, Kurt Buckman, and Dale Arbus. At the start of the movie, we get a glimpse of their lives at work and of their bosses. Nick’s boss is a megalomaniac that pushes everyone to the edge while always seeming to get his own way. While Nick was convinced that he was going to get a promotion for always being on time and working his butt off, his boss was actually never going to give him the promotion he so desired. Instead, he is told that if he quits, his boss will ruin his future careers by lying about everything Nick has ever done. Kurt’s boss was the nicest man ever, according to him. One day, though, he died in a car accident. This left his only son in charge of running the business. Too bad he was a cocaine sniffing, racist, sexist, crazy, overall terrible person to everyone except for prostitutes. Dale’s boss is a dentist who can’t help but sexually harass everyone she comes into contact with, but especially him. Even though he is engaged and in love, she won’t back off and goes so far as to threaten to out the things she has done to him to his fiancée if he quits. Together at a bar, they all share stories about their working lives to a choir of sympathy (except for Dale, whom both say shouldn’t be complaining). Eventually, a plan hatches out of a joke—kill each other’s bosses. What ensues is both a hilarious and enjoyable journey with a group of misfits that can’t handle the easiest of tasks.

With an air of “The Hangover,” the movie was undoubtedly funny. The situations they are put through at work resonate with anyone that has ever held a job, and make you feel enraged at their treatment. These characters are nice, honest people that decided to do something about their predicament. The way the direction and cinematography of the movie flows is interesting, though I can’t put my finger on where it comes from or why it feels different. The sure thing one can expect from a movie like this is that there is a reflection of each of us in these characters. You can see yourself in one of them in at least one scene. The humor also feels honest and realistic. They each occasionally talk over and expand each other’s comments in a way that we do every day. This is what I believe can make or break a comedy. It can be funny, but if it doesn’t feel honest, it loses its power. This movie is like watching paint dry in the many offices around the world where horrible bosses preside.


By Kulguy

The Minority Report - "Rise of the Planet of the Apes" (2011)

“Caesar is home.”
This movie definitely had big shoes to fill to say the least. The original “Planet of the Apes” film was absolutely superb in most every way, and a prequel claiming to give rise to the former needed to do outshine all of the previous attempts. That it did. I love the original series and was looking forward to this movie, unlike some of my counterparts. It seemingly came out of nowhere and proved that sequels (or prequels, for that matter) can be excellent movies in and of themselves.

The story begins with a scene in Africa, where the natives are capturing apes. They are getting shipped to a testing facility under the direction of a man by the name of Will Rodman (James Franco) who is in the process of developing a cure for Alzheimer’s, which he tests on the captured apes. Soon, he finds that one of the apes has immensely increased intelligence due to the ALZ-112 drug he is developing. They present the results to a board of directors and investors that wish will decide to market the product or not, but the meeting is disrupted by the intelligent ape, who is shot. It turns out she was a female and had lashed out only because she felt her baby, who she had given birth to secretly, was threatened by the researchers. This puts a damper on Will’s plan to possibly cure Alzheimer’s since his lab is left without chimps after they force the researchers to put them all down, and because he also takes the baby chimp to his home so that it won’t get killed like the others. There, he raises it to keep his father, Charles (John Lithgow), who has Alzheimer’s, company. What began as a temporary house guest soon becomes part of the family as he gains more and more intelligence along the way. Will records the progress and realizes that the ape, whom he named Caesar (Andy Serkis), has inherited the genes for intelligence from his mother. Soon, terrible circumstances force Caesar into a situation where he has to take charge and grow as an ape and as an eventual person. The future of the world is at stake.

Treading a fine line between retribution and compassion, Caesar’s character accepts the role of protagonist in an inspiringly human way. The emotions displayed by the apes and humans alike drag you in and don’t let go. You find yourself hoping and praying that the apes get their way, as the conditions for both sides get worse and worse. Will’s fight against the ravages of Alzheimer’s on his father is emotionally charged and deeply saddening. Here is a man who has dedicated his entire life to save his father, but has created something different as a result. Special praise has to be given to Weta Digital—the company which created the special effects in the film. If the apes wouldn’t have been so realistic, the drama would not have been felt the way it was. The interaction between the real world and the special effects was flawless, and the detail and craftsmanship of the apes was impressive. A film both inspiring and terrifying in its scope, it really brings home new ideas on what it is to be human. This film is only slightly like watching paint dry on redwood trees that tell the story of the rise of the apes.


By Kulguy

The Minority Report - "Transformers: Dark of the Moon" (2011)

"Bee, there's something else going on here. The moon program, the cover-ups, the assassinations, it's all led to this..."
After the second movie, I was honestly debating going to see this one. The second one was full of racist and unnecessarily obscene humor, terrible dialogue, and a senseless and overblown plot. The thing is, there was a part of me that wanted to give one of my favorite series as a child a second chance. It was almost as if the Optimus from the original animated series was telling me to do the right thing. So, I ended up watching it. Here’s what I thought…

The film opens up on the planet of Cybertron when a spacecraft called the Ark, known to be carrying an invention capable of ending the long-winded war between the Autobots and Decepticons, escapes from the area and crash lands on the far side of Earth’s moon. NASA detects this and launches the Apollo program with the help of John F. Kennedy to put a man on the moon as a cover for finding the craft. After the astronauts find the craft, the film moves to the present day where the Autobots are helping the US military in a quest for global peace. In their missions, they discover alien technology at Chernobyl and venture to the far side of the moon to find its origins. There, they find Sentinel Prime, one of the leaders of the Autobots, and reboot him in an effort to find out what is going on. He tells them that the secret invention was a space bridge that was meant to teleport matter between two points. All the while, Sam Witwicky (Shia LeBeouf) is upset because he can’t be part of the ongoing missions and has lost almost all connection with his Autobot friends. On his job, he is given information by a coworker who is subsequently murdered by a Decepticon. He attempts to go to the Autobots to tell them about what is occurring as more people lose their lives, and that’s when all hell breaks loose. It leads to the ultimate battle between a great evil and the ultimate force of sentient good in the universe.

As can be ascertained from the description, the plot is still overblown. At least this time, it isn’t exactly senseless. The movie achieves something which its predecessor lacked: it has the feel of the original. Even though the storytelling is still sub-par and some of the humor misses the mark, it tries to be as charming and as fresh as the movie that started the franchise. One thing that has upset me from the beginning and did even more in this movie is how Michael Bay focuses a few too many minutes of precious plotline on shots of the female ‘lead’ (Rosie Huntington-Whiteley)—if she could be called that. It almost makes her a selling point in the movie. I understand the phrase ‘sex sells,’ but there are still people out there that enjoy a movie because it is good and not because some English model is walking around looking surprisingly not beat up and dusty in every scene after an explosion. Apart from that, I must mention that I watched it in 3D and, once again, I don’t think it was worth it. One of my cousins was with me and, being 7 years old, I expected him to enjoy the 3D depth and action. As it turns out, after we left the theater, he said he had decided that he didn’t really like 3D. Good man. This movie is like watching paint dry on a pillar that is teleporting sentient robot beings to destroy the Earth.


By Kulguy

The Minority Report - "Harry Potter and The Deathly Hallows – Part 2" (2011)

“Only I can live forever.”
This is it…the last chapter in the saga. This is the movie no one was waiting for. After this movie, it's finally the end of everything "Harry Potter." For me, it has just ended as of a few hours ago. Honestly, I'm a big fan of the franchise (book-wise) and have been for some time now. The thing is, book aside, this was an excellent movie. David Yates finally proved to me that he isn't a bad director; he just needs four movies to get the hang of it. “Deathly Hallows – Part 2” really delivered on its expected dose of action, acting, suspense, story, and drama. The movie went out with a bang.

The film begins where the previous left off: Voldemort (Ralph Fiennes) has just attained the Elder Wand and is about to wage war against a reformed Hogwards under its new headmaster, Snape (Alan Rickman). Life is tough for those in the school, but even tougher for Harry (Daniel Radcliffe), Ron (Rupert Grint), and Hermione (Emma Watson), who just got done burying their friend and have to break into Gringotts bank to find yet another horcrux. After a harrowing escape on a dragon, they finally get back to Hogwarts in time for the attack. Good and evil are pitted in a war to the death where both sides will suffer losses. What ensues is an epic battle between the darkest wizard of all time and a kid that, over the course of seven years, has matured into a hero.

That’s pretty much all that can be said without spoiling the journey in the movie (even if you have already read the book). From the moment the movie begins, it is instant beautiful cinematography. Unlike its predecessor, this film doesn’t rely solely on its landscapes and panning shots to get you through the motions. Rather, it blends together artful direction with the brazen storytelling that Yates should have had from the beginning. When you aren’t surrounded by intense action, you are getting serious drama via dialogue; when you aren’t being torn apart on the inside by the drama, you are getting slapped in the face with some comedic moments here and there. This movie honestly seems to have it all. You can tell that the actors have been through a lot and have grown up since their early days. What results from this is an amazing farewell from a motley of great actors including Alan Rickman and Ralph Fiennes. This is a summer blockbuster that is all it is cracked up to be and more. It is most definitely not like watching paint dry on a canvas detailing the final magical clash between good and evil.


By Kulguy

The Caucasian Report - "Mr. Popper's Penguins" (2011)

~Unlikely Guest Puts Popper to the Test~
When I saw the preview for this picture, it was apparent that its purpose was to please younger people. Despite the puerile plotline, I was always planning on seeing it because it’s practically impossible for me to pass up a Jim Carrey movie. This film is precisely what can be expected: an updated presentation of the popular 1938 children’s parable. You simply can’t go into the theater anticipating a profound experience. What you can expect is a preposterous amount of penguin cuteness.

The movie is about Mr. Popper (Jim Carrey), a powerful and passionate businessman in the prime of his life. After his father’s passing, he is left a particularly peculiar inheritance. One day, a pretty large package appears at his door. Upon opening it, Mr. Popper finds the last thing he expected—a live penguin. Due to a communication problem, when he attempts to send the penguin back, he is sent five more instead. Amongst his penguin panic, his ex-wife (Carla Gugino) and kids (Madeline Carroll, Maxwell Perry Cotton) stop by for his son’s birthday party. The boy’s persistent pleas persuade Mr. Popper to keep the penguins in his possession. Before long, Mr. Popper finds himself growing partial to the penguins. He proceeds to prop his doors open in the middle of winter and pile snow into his living room. Thanks to the penguins, Mr. Popper starts to put a higher priority on parenting and pays less attention to work. Who knew that a pack of playful penguins would be just what the doctor prescribed for Mr. Popper?

The film puts a contemporary spin on the story of Mr. Popper. If you happen to be familiar with the book, be prepared for the movie to be completely different. Provided, I do think the story had to be adapted to produce something applicable to the 21st century, the screenwriters pulled it off superbly. The best part of this movie is the inspiring message it portrays—spend a predominant portion of your time with the people you love. The movie’s weak point was that it was extremely predictable. There is a high probability that any predictions you ponder will play out right before your eyes. As far as acting goes, I am positive this wasn’t Carrey’s paramount performance, but it probably wasn’t his poorest either. It is someplace in the middle of the road. It was a pleasant surprise to see that Angela Lansbury had an important part. She was the perfect actress to place as the prudent Mrs. Van Gundy—the first person who doesn’t fall prey to Mr. Popper’s perfected charm. This movie is like watching paint dry, only if the paint is black and white with a hint of orange here and there.


By WhiteChick

The Minority Report - "Super 8" (2011)

"If you talk about this, you and your parents will all die."
In all honesty, behind “Falling Skies,” the trailer for “Super 8” was probably the biggest letdown of the Superbowl commercials. It was one of those trailers that had a lot to hide and very little to show. I was intrigued, but not enough to follow up. Slowly, more bits of the story came together. As the date of release came closer, I became more interested. When the initial reviews came in, I was convinced I needed to see it. The thing that solidified the idea of watching the movie was the fake rendition of the movie on Funny or Die, which was hilarious. Ready? 3…2…1…“CLOVERFIELD”!!!

The movie introduces you to a young boy called Joe Lamb (Joel Courtney) who has just lost his mother in a steel mill accident. The movie picks up 4 months after the accident. The year is early 1979, and Joe and his friends make movies on Super 8 mm film with an old camera. They are currently attempting to film a zombie flick for a film festival and they needed an extra actress. A girl called Alice Dainard (Elle Fanning) is used, and there is immediately a spark between them. During one of their scenes, they are filming in a train station when a train is approaching. For production value, they decide to film while it passes, only to be interrupted by its subsequent derailment and explosion at the hands of a car that hit it head-on purposefully. The kids scatter as the craziness occurs, but the camera keeps filming the entire event as it unfolds. Out of the wreckage come the kids and one mysterious piece of footage. Strange things begin happening around the small town, and it’s got something to do with what was on that train.

It was a surprise hit, to be sure, but J.J. Abrams hit the nail on the head with this one. The story is as mysterious as it is ambitious. It harks back to old Spielberg films in a refreshing way that allows you to enjoy it even though the story has been done before. The spirit behind the unknown and the childish inhibition embodied by the lead character are not soon forgettable, and I am sure that everyone can relate since we have all been young before. Overwhelming sadness and emotion can be dealt with and overcome through strife, and this movie truly teaches us that. It’s nothing new, but it is an excellent new take on an old style. The filming is superb and there is a ton of foreshadowing scattered about. It’s a new movie, but feels like an old ambitious film. Oh, and stay for the credits to experience something that you can’t miss. This movie is like watching paint dry on some old Super 8 mm film while it captures something truly out of this world.


By Kulguy

The Minority Report - "X-Men: First Class" (2011)

“A new species is being born. Help me guide it, shape it, lead it.”
I have been waiting to see this movie ever since there was a small hint that it was going to be made. I am, admittedly, surrounded by nerds that were all quite excited for it as well. Finally, I was able to see it and was definitely not disappointed. Rebooting a franchise isn’t easy. Considering the fact that this is a summer of superhero movies, it has to make its mark, and make it well. It most certainly did that. With excellent cinematography, a phenomenal cast, and an emotionally charged storyline, this movie is truly something to behold.

The movie begins with the classic scene we all remember: a young boy getting separated from his parents during the holocaust. In the midst of his anger, he begins bending the gates separating him and his parents until he is struck over the head with the butt of a rifle. The location quickly changes to a child living in an opulent home that gets awakened by his “mother.” In reality, it is a young shapeshifter named Raven (at this point, Morgan Lily, but later Jennifer Lawrence). Meet Erik Lensherr (Michael Fassbender) and Charles Xavier (James McAvoy). The former gets tortured for prolonged periods of time by a man named Dr. Schmidt (Kevin Bacon) to enhance his metal controlling abilities, while the latter flirts with women by using his telepathic powers and suave talk about genetic mutations. Two completely different lives clash as the CIA becomes involved because of Cold War tensions between the United States and Russia, culminating in the Cuban Missile Crisis, with the X-Men trapped in the middle.

This is in no way, shape, or form, a full synopsis. If I had tried to give a complete synopsis, I would ruin some great moments in the film. For one thing, the evolution of Magneto and Xavier is beautiful. You see them grow and mature over time. Magneto, driven by rage and revenge makes it his life’s mission to kill his captor from the concentration camps, Dr. Schmidt (aka Sebastian Shaw). His efforts have taken up most of his young life and hardened him as an individual. His character has glimmers of sanity in between the clouded hatred and fierce disposition with which he behaves treats those around him. Xavier, on the other hand, is a quirky individual who cares deeply for his fellows. He carries himself with a wisdom and serenity that allows him to help people. It is these same traits that are also his greatest weakness. Both the actors do a phenomenal job portraying the individuals in the film.

Interestingly enough, the cinematography and editing (in one specific point) is slightly reminiscent of that employed by the often forgotten “Hulk” movie from 2003. Here, the split-screen employed works phenomenally to depict multiple angles of the same scene instead of sucking at displaying different scenes all around the screen. It also shows the passage of time really well. Overall, this movie is definitely a great one. I went in expecting a great movie, and it delivered. Like critics have said: it isn’t a great superhero movie, it’s a great movie. This movie is only very slightly like watching paint dry on a mutated rendition of the Cold War.


By Kulguy

The Minority Report - "The Hangover Part II" (2011)

Sometimes it is not about the destination, it is about the journey; and other times it is about where you end up, not how you got there. “The Hangover Part II” seems to fall into neither of these categories, as the destination and the journey are a photo copied, clone of its predecessor. Want to see the “The Hangover Part II”? I recommend watching “The Hangover,” except add some more penises and a monkey. The plots are identical, the situations are identical, the timing of some of the gags is identical, and the ending is identical. The only thing not shared between both of these films is the amount of laughs. “The Hangover Part II” simply is not as funny and, more importantly, not as memorable.

The plot for this movie is the exact same as the first. Stu (Ed Helms) is getting married. His friends Phil (Bradley Cooper), Doug (Justin Bartha), and Alan (Zach Galifianakis), go to Thailand for the wedding. Surprise, surprise: Stu, Phil, and Alan awake from a drug-induced coma that leaves them amnesic of the prior night’s events, with Stu’s soon-to-be-bride’s little brother missing. It is up to the trio to find the little brother in Bangkok before the wedding.

Simply put, this movie is a clone of the first one and comes off as money hungry. It relies more on sight gags and cheap laughs. Even though the scope of the film is increased, it does not seem to have any direct effect on how gigantic the events were from the original film. It is its own worst enemy. Nothing can top finding out that they stole a cop car and Mike Tyson’s tiger. The expectations were far too high for the sequel to succeed. The themes of the second film were darker in tone and not as playful as the first, and this gives it a tad more personality. This movie overall did make me laugh, but upon a second viewing, it had already lost some of its luster. This movie is like watching someone paint a mustache on the Mona Lisa, changing the original slightly, but, overall, it is the same damned thing.


By V-Dawg

The Minority Report - "Kung Fu Panda 2" (2011)

“Kung Fu Panda 2” has just won its way into my heart and into my ranks as one of the best kung fu movies of my generation. It allays my complaints of the first “Kung Fu Panda.” As, for a kung fu movie, the first film seemed to have a lack of fighting. Sure, it was a heart-warming coming of age story, but it was not the over top goodness that one expects from such a flick. In comparison, “Kung Fu Panda 2” comes out karate chops a blazin’. Over the top action moves from scene one, obvious inspiration from classic films alongside improvements, and an increase in the general wackiness of the action sequences due to the fact it is animated and not so grounded in reality are a few of the things you can expect. This, combined with another heart warming tale, Po’s back story, a menacing villain, well timed humor, captivating animation, and fantastic voice work creates an on-screen spectacle that will surely bring a smile to one’s face, young and old alike.

Shen The Peacock (voiced by Gary Oldman) makes for a profound and merciless villain. The subtle evil that radiates from this character sends chills down the viewer’s spine. This reaction is drawn from the simple fact that his evil stems from innocence and an entanglement of fear about his own fate. Shen is fighting against his fate by trying to end kung fu with a militia using destructive technology and it is up to the dragon warrior and the furious five to defeat him. Po (Jack Black once again is brilliant as the voice actor) has slimed down and has learned some new moves since the first film. Tigress (voiced by Angelina Jolie) is put more into the spotlight alongside the rest of the furious five (voices of Seth Rogen, Jackie Chan, David Cross, and Lucy Liu), who in the first film deserved more screen time.

The art and graphics of this film have improved as well, including flash back scenes told in a 2D animated fashion, and some cell shaded effects. The director, Jennifer Yuh, once again outdoes herself by breathing new life into how computer animated films are made, as well as making a fine kung fu movie. It reminded me a lot of one of my all-time favorite kung fu films: “Kung Fu Hustle” (which is a huge compliment). By striking a delicate and perfect blend of over the top action, yet keeping it grounded enough to be fantastically believable, the humor, unlikely protagonists, and nods to historic kung fu films allow this movie to carve its own path into kung fu greatness. Now, the movie is not without its flaws. Obviously, its chief demographic is children, so there are some groan inducing gags to tolerate. It seemed to move fairly fast, and could have benefited from some more introduction. Furthermore, some voice acting was not as strong as the others (for example, David Cross and Seth Rogen). This movie is far more epic and grander than its predecessor, which make it superior in many ways, but how can one top a surprise hit? You cannot. Instead, you improve and move along, which this film does flawlessly. This film is like watching a kung fu master dressed as clown paint an epic tale with vivid detail and technique. Pandas rule! Skadoosh!


By V-Dawg

The Minority Report - "Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides" (2011)

“If I don’t kill a man every now and then, they forget who I am.”
This was probably one of those movies that was very highly anticipated, as it opened the summer box office. That it did…with a bang: $90.1 million in domestic ticket sales and $256.3 in international ticket sales at the opening box office. It’s no wonder, too, considering it boasted what many girls with eyes glazed over claim is the sexiest pirate ever—Jack Sparrow (Johnny Depp). I don’t say “Captain Jack Sparrow,” since he doesn’t deserve to be called so this movie. The 4th installment in the “Pirates” series, seeks to maintain all the charm of its predecessors with a different story. It does a decent job, but obviously still suffers from the aches and pains of being a sequel.

The story revolves around the ever-eccentric Jack Sparrow, who has travelled to London to locate an impersonator that is recruiting a crew for a ship to find the Fountain of Youth. After rescuing his former crewmate, he has an encounter with the king, who offers him a spot aboard a vessel to discover the lost fountain before the Spanish. The expedition will be headed by none other than Captain Barbossa (Geoffrey Rush), who has become a privateer since losing the Black Pearl to Blackbeard (Ian McShane). Sparrow declines and escapes to unmask his impostor, who ends up being his ex, Angelica (Penélope Cruz). He ends up on Blackbeard’s ship, in a quest that will pit him against Spain, London, Mermaids, Juan Ponce de León, and Blackbeard, all leading up to the fabled Fountain of Youth.

Jack Sparrow’s quirkiness is still here in full swing, but the true acting prowess and the reason I chose the quote at the beginning is Ian McShane’s Blackbeard. He is the perfect villain. Emanating pure evil, controlling his ship with his sword, and making use of a crew of zombies, the man pulls it off no sweat. Even though the movie can get a bit hectic with the fighting sequences, it is still a fun ride for the beginning of summer. I wouldn’t give it as low a score as it has on Rotten Tomatoes currently, but it is definitely nowhere near as great as its predecessors. The 3D was also definitely not worth it, as there were probably 5 scenes that were noticeably done for the 3D effect. I watched it normally, and can safely tell everyone not to waste their money on it. This movie is like watching paint dry on the many islands and ships of the Caribbean.


By Kulguy