The Minority Report - "Rise of the Planet of the Apes" (2011)

“Caesar is home.”
This movie definitely had big shoes to fill to say the least. The original “Planet of the Apes” film was absolutely superb in most every way, and a prequel claiming to give rise to the former needed to do outshine all of the previous attempts. That it did. I love the original series and was looking forward to this movie, unlike some of my counterparts. It seemingly came out of nowhere and proved that sequels (or prequels, for that matter) can be excellent movies in and of themselves.

The story begins with a scene in Africa, where the natives are capturing apes. They are getting shipped to a testing facility under the direction of a man by the name of Will Rodman (James Franco) who is in the process of developing a cure for Alzheimer’s, which he tests on the captured apes. Soon, he finds that one of the apes has immensely increased intelligence due to the ALZ-112 drug he is developing. They present the results to a board of directors and investors that wish will decide to market the product or not, but the meeting is disrupted by the intelligent ape, who is shot. It turns out she was a female and had lashed out only because she felt her baby, who she had given birth to secretly, was threatened by the researchers. This puts a damper on Will’s plan to possibly cure Alzheimer’s since his lab is left without chimps after they force the researchers to put them all down, and because he also takes the baby chimp to his home so that it won’t get killed like the others. There, he raises it to keep his father, Charles (John Lithgow), who has Alzheimer’s, company. What began as a temporary house guest soon becomes part of the family as he gains more and more intelligence along the way. Will records the progress and realizes that the ape, whom he named Caesar (Andy Serkis), has inherited the genes for intelligence from his mother. Soon, terrible circumstances force Caesar into a situation where he has to take charge and grow as an ape and as an eventual person. The future of the world is at stake.

Treading a fine line between retribution and compassion, Caesar’s character accepts the role of protagonist in an inspiringly human way. The emotions displayed by the apes and humans alike drag you in and don’t let go. You find yourself hoping and praying that the apes get their way, as the conditions for both sides get worse and worse. Will’s fight against the ravages of Alzheimer’s on his father is emotionally charged and deeply saddening. Here is a man who has dedicated his entire life to save his father, but has created something different as a result. Special praise has to be given to Weta Digital—the company which created the special effects in the film. If the apes wouldn’t have been so realistic, the drama would not have been felt the way it was. The interaction between the real world and the special effects was flawless, and the detail and craftsmanship of the apes was impressive. A film both inspiring and terrifying in its scope, it really brings home new ideas on what it is to be human. This film is only slightly like watching paint dry on redwood trees that tell the story of the rise of the apes.


By Kulguy

The Caucasian Report - "Your Highness" (2011)

~Hot chicks and Minotaur dicks~
As a huge comedy fan, I could not pass up seeing “Your Highness,” especially when I was told of the cast: Danny McBride, James Franco, Natalie Portman, and Zooey Deschanel. I thought it was a somewhat random, but provocative combination of actors, and I was looking forward to seeing how they worked together. I found myself enjoying the movie and laughing at its crude humor. How crude, you ask? Well, let’s just say this: at one point, the main character cuts off a Minotaur’s penis and wears it as a trophy around his neck. So, if you are a fan of penis/sex jokes, this movie will not disappoint. This is definitely not a movie where you take someone who is offended by the word “fuck” to, as it was used A LOT. It was even modified into a new verb: “fuckening.” I’m sure you’ll have no problem figuring out what that means.

The film is about the quest of two brothers, Thadeous (Danny McBride) and Fabious (James Franco), to save Belladonna (Zooey Deschanel) from her ultimate fate—being impregnated by the evil Leezar (Justin Theroux), resulting in a dragon baby that would grant him the power to take over the world. Belladonna is Fabious’ love, and he will stop at nothing to rescue her. Also accompanying them on their quest is Thadeous’ man servant, Courtney (Rasmus Hardiker). From making out and smoking “herbs” with a wizard that resembles a purple yoda with a see-through skull and tentacle-like dreadlocks, to being lured into a trap by half naked forest women and battling a giant hand monster (that’s right hand monster, once you see it you will know what I mean), to getting caught in a maze with a snarling Minotaur (who happens to find Courtney very sexually appealing), their journey is far from boring. Along the way, they cross paths with the strong and independent Isabel (Natalie Portman), who is reluctant to share the nature of her quest. But the question remains: Will they succeed in rescuing Bella Donna before the fuckening begins?

This movie was not the best comedy I’ve ever seen, but it definitely wasn’t the worst. No doubt, it provides copious amounts of funny quotes that you can recite with your friends. It falls into the “more-ridiculous-the-better” category, and it achieves that very well—each scene gets more ridiculous than the next. You definitely couldn’t predict what was going to happen. That being said, you also can’t go into this movie expecting a lot of high-quality content. It’s not meant to be taken seriously. In regards to how the actors worked together, I was not disappointed. The sibling rivalry achieved between Fabious (the typical first born prince next in line for the thrown that the whole kingdom loves) and Thadeous (the jealous second born son) was right on. And, although separated for most of the movie, the chemistry between Fabious and Belladonna was convincing. Even the chemistry between Courtney and the Minotaur was well portrayed! Portman’s performance as the lone traveler was quite successful, including her take on trust issues and the ability to defend herself. The storyline builds on the “journey to rescue the maiden kidnapped by an evil overlord” concept and adds many unexpected twists that I guarantee it will make you laugh at one point or another. All in all, I was glad I saw this film and would recommend it to fellow comedy fans. This movie is like watching paint dry on fifty severed Minotaur dicks.


By WhiteChick

The Minority Report - "Date Night" (2010)

“When he says vagina, he means your face.”
This movie, like many Steve Carell movies, I expected to be full of attempts at comedy and a big failure overall. To my surprise, it was quite enjoyable and, indeed, quite good. Steve Carell and Tina Fey seem to be a match made in comedy heaven. It appears as though they feed off of each other, and their marriage in the movie seems legitimate and believable. Without missing a beat, the story manages to develop the two main characters as a typical married couple. Their personalities complement each other and their charisma is undeniable. The plot leads one through a voyage of discovery from the perspective of the couple. Their interactions are comedic, but also touching. In attempting to get out of their predicament, they discover more about who they are in their marriage.

The plot centers around a tax professional named Phil Foster (Steve Carell) and a real estate agent named Claire Foster (Tina Fey). They have two kids of their own and participate in activities which include book club and a date night every Friday, where they go to the same restaurant, order the same food, and have the same discourses every time. When they find out that one of the married couples with whom they are friends with is getting a divorce, they seek to reignite the spark in their relationship. Deciding to go to a fancy restaurant in New York, they delve upon an insane adventure that will eventually lead them to discover whether they are headed on the same path as their friends or not.

Very enjoyable plot points and situations are readily found in this movie, and the action is steadily maintained. Even though the dialogue is not deep or meaningful in the least (it is a comedy after all), it never gets old witnessing the two get placed in one strange and often awkward situation after another. Overall, this movie was highly enjoyable and packed full of laughs (except for the younglings). It is a little bit like watching paint dry…that is, if the paint is awkward and is married to even more awkward paint.

By Kulguy