The Minority Report - "Thor" (2011)

“Whoever wields this hammer, if he be worthy, shall possess the power of Thor.”
Thor is just one of those movies. I had heard about it, but I wasn’t that intrigued by it. I knew what it was about and where it had come from (the Marvel universe, etc.), but I was just apathetic towards it. When V-Dawg told me that we should go see it, I agreed…who would pass up a good movie on a Friday night? We went with a huge group of people to the 3D screening (more on that later), and watched it. I must say, I was genuinely impressed by the movie.

The story centers on the gods of Norse Mythology. Here, though, they are aliens that live in the center of the galaxy. Their home called Asgard and had been at war with a species called the Frost Giants of Jotunheim in the past, but they had been dealt with until the day that Thor (Chris Hemsworth) was going to ascend to the throne and replace his father, Odin (Anthony Hopkins). Against his father’s orders, Thor decides to journey to Jotunheim along with his brother, Loki (Tom Hiddleston), his friend, Sif (Jaimie Alexander), and a group that has fought alongside him before, called the Warriors Three—Volstagg (Ray Stevenson), Fandral (Joshua Dallas), and Hogun (Tadanobu Asano). There, he confronts Laufey (Colm Feore), the leader of the Frost Giants, trying to find out how they managed to sneak into Asgard. A battle ensues because of Thor’s arrogance, and Odin has to save them from getting killed, pitting Asgard at war with the Frost Giants once more. As a result, Odin exiles Thor to Earth, and curses his hammer so that it may only be used by he who is worthy. From there, Thor has to figure out what has transpired in Asgard, and how to get back before it is too late.

The movie genuinely surprised me. From its honest humor to its overly dramatic fight sequences, I was drawn in. The dialogue was smartly written to contrast Thor’s upbringing from the mortals, and the acting was quite impressive. Considering the fact that this is a movie based on a comic book, it is an excellent breath of life for the superhero genre. The characters (by someone who was unaware or ignorant of the fact that this is based on a comic book) might come across as two dimensional, but for others, their personalities and back-stories are evident. One thing that bothered me was that the movie felt rushed. It was almost as if it was missing something. It’s an immensely enjoyable movie, nonetheless, and I would wholeheartedly recommend it to people. If you have the choice, don’t watch it in 3D, since it is unnecessary and adds nothing to the movie. Everyone that reads my writings knows my feelings towards 3D, but rest assured that you shouldn’t spend the extra money if you can. This movie is like watching paint dry on a hammer that gives the wielder Thor’s powers.


By Kulguy

The Caucasian Report - "Your Highness" (2011)

~Hot chicks and Minotaur dicks~
As a huge comedy fan, I could not pass up seeing “Your Highness,” especially when I was told of the cast: Danny McBride, James Franco, Natalie Portman, and Zooey Deschanel. I thought it was a somewhat random, but provocative combination of actors, and I was looking forward to seeing how they worked together. I found myself enjoying the movie and laughing at its crude humor. How crude, you ask? Well, let’s just say this: at one point, the main character cuts off a Minotaur’s penis and wears it as a trophy around his neck. So, if you are a fan of penis/sex jokes, this movie will not disappoint. This is definitely not a movie where you take someone who is offended by the word “fuck” to, as it was used A LOT. It was even modified into a new verb: “fuckening.” I’m sure you’ll have no problem figuring out what that means.

The film is about the quest of two brothers, Thadeous (Danny McBride) and Fabious (James Franco), to save Belladonna (Zooey Deschanel) from her ultimate fate—being impregnated by the evil Leezar (Justin Theroux), resulting in a dragon baby that would grant him the power to take over the world. Belladonna is Fabious’ love, and he will stop at nothing to rescue her. Also accompanying them on their quest is Thadeous’ man servant, Courtney (Rasmus Hardiker). From making out and smoking “herbs” with a wizard that resembles a purple yoda with a see-through skull and tentacle-like dreadlocks, to being lured into a trap by half naked forest women and battling a giant hand monster (that’s right hand monster, once you see it you will know what I mean), to getting caught in a maze with a snarling Minotaur (who happens to find Courtney very sexually appealing), their journey is far from boring. Along the way, they cross paths with the strong and independent Isabel (Natalie Portman), who is reluctant to share the nature of her quest. But the question remains: Will they succeed in rescuing Bella Donna before the fuckening begins?

This movie was not the best comedy I’ve ever seen, but it definitely wasn’t the worst. No doubt, it provides copious amounts of funny quotes that you can recite with your friends. It falls into the “more-ridiculous-the-better” category, and it achieves that very well—each scene gets more ridiculous than the next. You definitely couldn’t predict what was going to happen. That being said, you also can’t go into this movie expecting a lot of high-quality content. It’s not meant to be taken seriously. In regards to how the actors worked together, I was not disappointed. The sibling rivalry achieved between Fabious (the typical first born prince next in line for the thrown that the whole kingdom loves) and Thadeous (the jealous second born son) was right on. And, although separated for most of the movie, the chemistry between Fabious and Belladonna was convincing. Even the chemistry between Courtney and the Minotaur was well portrayed! Portman’s performance as the lone traveler was quite successful, including her take on trust issues and the ability to defend herself. The storyline builds on the “journey to rescue the maiden kidnapped by an evil overlord” concept and adds many unexpected twists that I guarantee it will make you laugh at one point or another. All in all, I was glad I saw this film and would recommend it to fellow comedy fans. This movie is like watching paint dry on fifty severed Minotaur dicks.


By WhiteChick

The Minority Report - "Black Swan" (2010)

Some will hail “Black Swan,” as a cinematic masterpiece. They will find this movie to be a profound, intelligent, suspense driven drama that will go down as a classic through the ages. While others will call it indie garbage and an excuse to watch Natalie Portman strokes her va-jay-jay for two hours. My opinion of the movie rests somewhere in the middle as it is not the greatest movie ever created and also not the worst. Coming out of the theater, all I could utter was “Eh.” I know that others will argue with me about my apathetic review of this movie and others will agree with it. I seem to have the same problem with all of Darren Aronofsky’s ("Requiem for a Dream", "The Wrestler") films. I know I will always rest on the “I do not get it” part of the audience when it comes to these types of films. A film like this, you have to approach with the pace of an over analytical art critic strolling through the Louvre, which does not make for an entertaining afternoon. Instead, it makes for one with yawns and images you cannot understand. At times, the movie shoves the fact that it has deeper meaning and practically screams that it thinks itself a visual masterpiece. This makes it at times come off as pretentious.

The film follows Nina (Natalie Portman), a ballet dancer who soon finds herself in the lead role of Swan Lake. Nina is selected because of her perfection for the white swan part of the production, but slowly loses her mind and transforms into the part she so desperately desires—the black swan. Mila Kunis ("The Book of Eli") also plays the seductive Lily, who just adds paranoia to Nina, fueling her delusions. It is a trip through the rabbit hole.

The film is average in the sense of story, is filled with unnecessary scenes, but the cinematography is top notch. Some shots are especially remarkable. The use of mirrors is equally as astonishing. The way it is filmed is unique and makes the film truly art. Yet, even art can leave one uninspired and with a sense of “eh.” The film is nothing special and I know others will argue. It is not necessarily bad, just not special. You never get the feeling of “I am watching a masterpiece.” At times I felt that my money was spent on soft core porn with a suspenseful story. It leaves a lot for the viewer to interpret. All in all, it is like watching abstract art by a famous artist with a name you cannot pronounce, and at the end of the day you still do not know the point of, dry.

By V-Dawg