The Caucasian Report - "Your Highness" (2011)

~Hot chicks and Minotaur dicks~
As a huge comedy fan, I could not pass up seeing “Your Highness,” especially when I was told of the cast: Danny McBride, James Franco, Natalie Portman, and Zooey Deschanel. I thought it was a somewhat random, but provocative combination of actors, and I was looking forward to seeing how they worked together. I found myself enjoying the movie and laughing at its crude humor. How crude, you ask? Well, let’s just say this: at one point, the main character cuts off a Minotaur’s penis and wears it as a trophy around his neck. So, if you are a fan of penis/sex jokes, this movie will not disappoint. This is definitely not a movie where you take someone who is offended by the word “fuck” to, as it was used A LOT. It was even modified into a new verb: “fuckening.” I’m sure you’ll have no problem figuring out what that means.

The film is about the quest of two brothers, Thadeous (Danny McBride) and Fabious (James Franco), to save Belladonna (Zooey Deschanel) from her ultimate fate—being impregnated by the evil Leezar (Justin Theroux), resulting in a dragon baby that would grant him the power to take over the world. Belladonna is Fabious’ love, and he will stop at nothing to rescue her. Also accompanying them on their quest is Thadeous’ man servant, Courtney (Rasmus Hardiker). From making out and smoking “herbs” with a wizard that resembles a purple yoda with a see-through skull and tentacle-like dreadlocks, to being lured into a trap by half naked forest women and battling a giant hand monster (that’s right hand monster, once you see it you will know what I mean), to getting caught in a maze with a snarling Minotaur (who happens to find Courtney very sexually appealing), their journey is far from boring. Along the way, they cross paths with the strong and independent Isabel (Natalie Portman), who is reluctant to share the nature of her quest. But the question remains: Will they succeed in rescuing Bella Donna before the fuckening begins?

This movie was not the best comedy I’ve ever seen, but it definitely wasn’t the worst. No doubt, it provides copious amounts of funny quotes that you can recite with your friends. It falls into the “more-ridiculous-the-better” category, and it achieves that very well—each scene gets more ridiculous than the next. You definitely couldn’t predict what was going to happen. That being said, you also can’t go into this movie expecting a lot of high-quality content. It’s not meant to be taken seriously. In regards to how the actors worked together, I was not disappointed. The sibling rivalry achieved between Fabious (the typical first born prince next in line for the thrown that the whole kingdom loves) and Thadeous (the jealous second born son) was right on. And, although separated for most of the movie, the chemistry between Fabious and Belladonna was convincing. Even the chemistry between Courtney and the Minotaur was well portrayed! Portman’s performance as the lone traveler was quite successful, including her take on trust issues and the ability to defend herself. The storyline builds on the “journey to rescue the maiden kidnapped by an evil overlord” concept and adds many unexpected twists that I guarantee it will make you laugh at one point or another. All in all, I was glad I saw this film and would recommend it to fellow comedy fans. This movie is like watching paint dry on fifty severed Minotaur dicks.


By WhiteChick

The Minority Report - "(500) Days of Summer" (2009)

“This is not a love story. This is a story about love.”
(500) Days of Summer is the chick-flick for guys. It is a story about a boy who falls in love and instead of like in a chick flick, where the perspective would be from the woman, it is heavily sympathetic in the male’s direction. The movie is a daring and interesting mix of comedy and drama presented in an essential way of filming. This movie has been out for a while, earned enough praise from more esteemed sources, and been picked and overlooked for its entirety. So, to take a new fresh spin on this review and put a little of a Watching Paint Dry spice, I will talk about the movie from the average man’s perspective.

The first time I saw this tale of one man’s persistent pursuit for what he thought was the girl of his dreams, it hit home for me. It touched parts of me and went deep into my life. And as I talked about the movie with more and more of my guy friends, it seems that it connected to them too. Yet, the females I talked to about this movie seemed to deem it as a slow-paced bore fest. I can see this effect, as this movie truly puts the evil of female indecision and the dire effect of male bluntness and assumptions forward. Maybe it was this that easily swept us into this great indie feeling movie, or maybe it was the absolute, pure hotness of Zooey Deschanel that dug into the male audience. All aside, though, Zooey plays the part of a slightly strange, anti social, girl next door type perfectly. Then, Joseph Gordon-Levitt does a great job playing the loser-like boy who just wants more in life, and also has great chemistry with Deschanel (did I mention she is hot?).

This movie is one of my favorites, and for me to review it may be biased. I may have a slight crush on Zooey Deschanel, and I also am a major sucker for movies with an indie feel, but please take my word when I say this tale of boy love girl, girl doesn’t love boy is fantastic. It is a must see, and great experience. Some complaints people may find in the movie is that it moves a little slow, primarily shows the perspective of the male, and may be a little too strange for the average movie watcher, but if you are looking for an artful, mature comedy, this is your best option. This movie is nothing close to watching paint dry (and is more like watching Zooey Deschanel for two hours!).

By V-Dawg