The Minority Report - "Immortals" (2011)

“Immortals” is not the epic, “300”-level movie that people were anticipating. It will not be remembered, and will quickly fade from the memories of those who paid for this visual spectacle. This movie is essentially the film equivalent of fireworks. It is pretty to look at, the audience will “ooh” and “ah,” but it will not make you feel any emotion deeper than “man, this is pretty.” Really, this movie is like the hot blonde at the bar: full of attractive looks, but cannot carry on a conversation for longer than five seconds (no offense to blondes, you’re all lovely women). The point is that “Immortals” is not winning any awards, but is capable of holding your attention for the entire running time.

The story follows Theseus (Henry Cavill) and his exploits fighting the Hyperion army led by their king (Mickey Rourke), while the gods intervene to help prevent the release of the titans. The story has been told countless times and is cliché. The dialogue essentially boils down to primitive grunts and gestures. It is just an excuse to drive the story along to lead the audience from one stunning looking local or amazing fight scene to the next. Speaking of the fight scenes, they are over the top, ludicrously bloody, and grizzly—what else could you want!? The acting is as unimpressive as the script. Regardless, this film was entertaining.

In the end, Immortals is nothing too special. It will not change your life or make you think. But, if you are looking for a movie to just turn off your brain after a long week at work, then this movie will do the trick. It is as violent as it is gorgeous. It is like watching a beautiful painting of a shirtless man kicking ass dry.


By V-Dawg

The Minority Report - "The Expendables" (2010)

"Next time, I'll deflate all your balls, friend."
Guns, women, blood, violence, coarse language, action, explosions, and, of course, tons of old actors that primarily did action films. I have just described for you the film, “The Expendables.” “The Expendables” is nothing more then an action flick, but it certainly is nothing less than an action film. In fact, I could have walked in with a checklist of action movie stereotypical scenes and there would have been multiple checks next to each one. This does not mean this movie is boring; it just means it is predictable.

Let us be honest here…if you walked into this movie looking for a profound experience that would alter your entire existence, you obviously have never seen an action movie. Action films are about big, flashy scenes of crazy explosions, shallow dialogue, awesome stunts, and fight scenes galore. The story is about mercenaries (Stallone, Statham, Li, Crews, and Couture) that have to overthrow this general who is in cahoots with a rogue FBI agent (Eric Roberts). The plot is that simple, and it rolls with it. There are also some twists and various events that spice up the standard action template that this movie follows so diligently.

This movie could have afforded to break the mold even a little bit, but instead, it just pumped the movie up with pure star power. There are so many action legends that it is enough to satisfy your action needs for years to come. This movie is perfect for you and your guy friends. With a group of dudes, you will come in with a grin and come out high fiving. Go with a girl on a first date and you will leave without the girl, as she left after the extremely gory (yet epically awesome) ten minutes. So this movie is not like watching paint dry, it is more like looking at a mural that includes every action star ever and throws it together in a familiar setting.

By V-Dawg