The Minority Report - "Clockstoppers" (2002)

“You know what I don't like? Gettin' kicked in the head!”
This movie was one which I watched immediately after “The Human Centipede (First Sequence)” to flush out all of the terrible images in my head that were making me sick. To my relief, it worked quite a bit. This is probably the first Nickelodeon movie that I watched (the second was most likely “Hey Arnold!: The Movie”), and I wasn’t disappointed when I saw it again recently. I remembered why I liked it in the first place and it brought back fond memories. The only thing that bothered me was that there were a couple of incongruencies with how the characters interacted with the so-called ‘hypertime,’ but more on that later.

The story begins with the NSA shutting down a company that is developing a technology meant to be used in warfare. It super-speeds the molecules inside the body of a person, which makes them move faster than their surroundings. This means that the world appears close to total stillness and whoever is using the technology becomes basically invisible to the average passerby because of the speed in which they are moving—it is called ‘hypertime’. The people developing the technology decides that they are too close to completion to stop and decide to send their whole laboratory into ‘hypertime’ to give themselves as much time as possible before the time when the NSA said they would be back to shut down the lab. ‘Hypertime’ is also enabled because the state has one drawback: it makes people age faster than normal. Enter Dr. Earl Dopler (French Stewart). He is the person that has to work out the kink in the technology before the NSA makes it to the lab, so the company can usurp power and rule the world. Unfortunately for them, he needed help, so he sent one of the prototypes to his old college professor, Dr. Gibbs (Robin Thomas), who has a son named Zak Gibbs (Jesse Bradford). One day, Dr. Gibbs leaves the watch in a box and Zak finds it. As he is attempting to make the watch work when he is hanging out with his love interest, Franchesca (Paula Garcés), he inadvertently sends himself into ‘hypertime’. After many shenanigans, he is drawn into the criminal world of the organization when they kidnap his father to complete the project.

The movie has quite a lot of cool quirks and funny moments. It is a children’s movie, after all, so the script and acting aren’t all that great, but it’s all in good fun. The plotline, though not very original, is helped by a premise that is incredibly original. The cinematography itself is not that amazing except for the way that the characters enter and exit ‘hypertime’. The only thing that bothered me (as I had mentioned before) is that sometimes the characters’ interactions with non-‘hypertime’ characters produced a quick change, and other times, the interactions (even though they were moving relatively fast in hypertime) produced a slow change in the non-‘hypertime’ world. But, overall, the movie is a fun time that most people can enjoy. This movie is like watching paint dry…which won’t take too long if you are in ‘hypertime’.

By Kulguy

The Minority Report - "Fight Club" (1999)

“Welcome to Fight Club. The first rule of Fight Club is: you do not talk about Fight Club. The second rule of Fight Club is: you DO NOT talk about Fight Club!”
This movie was one that I had been told to watch more than once. Its appeal was indubitable: it was a movie that was relatively middle-aged (from the 1990s), and sported a wacky plotline with strange and witty construction. Adapted from a 1996 novel of the same name by Chuck Palahniuk, the movie is pretty accurate with its portrayal. This film has also been the subject of many a controversy in its time. Mainly, though, the attacks are towards the movie’s portrayal of violence as acceptable alternative lifestyle that can aid with problems accosting an individual. This is true. But it’s ridiculous to keep blaming things for the choices people make. My opinion? Make people less stupid. Enjoy the damned movie, and that’s it.

The story starts off with a man by the name of…well…he doesn’t really have a name. The actor’s name is Edward Norton, though. He suffers from incurable insomnia which his doctor refuses to treat, and has to travel a lot for his job as a worker for an automobile company. Seeking a way to deal with his mounting problems, he begins attending a support group. This ends up helping him and he assumes different identities, attending a myriad of different support groups for different ailments and afflictions. Finding a person that does the same thing as him in the support groups, Marla Singer (Helena Bonham Carter), angers him, but they come to an agreement to split the support groups. Soon afterwards, though, he is traveling when he meets a man called Tyler Durden (Brad Pitt) on a plane. Tyler is a traveling soap salesman, and the nameless main character envies his attitude and mode of life. Upon returning home, he finds his apartment in flames. He calls both Marla and then Tyler for help and ends up staying with Tyler at a random decrepit house. One night, they begin fighting for the heck of it, and it quickly becomes a routine thing that attracts more and more people each time. Everything changes when a person asks if he can fight next—this is when the 1st Fight Club is founded. Soon, though, the main character discovers that he has bitten off more than he can chew and that the Fight Club has become more than he can control or more than he wants to be involved with.

At the end of the movie, my mind was blown, and my heart was sold. This movie was great. It was a funny, witty, interesting, obnoxious, violent, and breathtaking view into the life of a misconstrued man attempting to find solutions and an identity. Cinematographically, the movie is amazing. It contains everything from three-dimensional rotation of characters (matrix mode-ish) to subliminal messages and even interesting flash-backs made like old film and the loss of autofocus. All in all, this extremely enjoyable film is well worth watching and enjoying and I highly recommend it. This movie not like watching paint dry…it’s like watching controversy seep into every crevice of American society.

By Kulguy

The Minority Report - "The Rocky Horror Picture Show" (1975)

“I'm just a sweet transvestite, from Transsexual Transylvania.”
What can I say, really that hasn’t already been transmitted through the above quote? The movie is considered by many to be a cult classic. I, honestly, didn’t know this, but apparently you are supposed to watch it at midnight with everyone dressed up (girls as prostitutes or weird dancers and men as transvestites…not much choice there). Anyway, this movie works like a Scary Movie that includes sci-fi. It is not meant to be taken seriously as a movie in and of itself; instead, its value comes from the way that the different sci-fi, horror, mystery, thriller, musical, and comedy components come together into one awkward hybrid. The characters mock many of the classic happenings in horror (the prolonged scream, the “let’s go into the haunted-scary-possibly-a-castle-lightning-emitting house even though there is a sign that says to not go in,” etc.) in a mis-matchery of random events that are bound to either please or, well, confuse.

The story revolves around a man by the name of Brad Majors (Barry Bostwick), who is engaged to Janet Weiss (Susan Sarandon). They are both heading down a road when they get a flat tire in the middle of a big rain and thunderstorm. They decide to leave their car in an attempt to get help because they noticed a house a bit farther back down the road. Entering the scary-looking house, they meet up with a strange assortment of people including a bisexual transvestite named Dr. Frank N. Furter (Tim Curry), an odd servant named Riff Raff (Richard O’Brien), and what are probably either two groupies or two prostitutes, Magenta (Patricia Quinn) and Colombia (Nell Campbell). What ensues cannot be described by words, as it is too overly complicated and if I begin to discuss it, I will ruin the rest of the movie.

Overall, the movie was witty and funny, and surprisingly enjoyable. Even though the acting was quite terrible (it’s supposed to be that way), it worked precisely because the movie itself, was one huge farce. Whether it was a transvestite, a muscular man in some speedo-like golden shorts, people committing affairs, masked people dancing, a antimatter gun, or floating lips that introduce the movie, this is one messed up film that you probably should not miss…if you are comfortable with extreme weirdness. This movie is like watching paint dry…if the paint does the “Time Warp,” that is.

By Kulguy

The Minority Report - "The Imaginarium of Dr. Parnassus" (2009)

This is Heath Ledgers final film. Well, his final half of a film as he died in the middle of production. “Then how was this movie completed,” you may ask. Well, simple you see! When Tony (Heath Ledger, Johnny Depp, Jude Law, and Colin Farrell) enters the imaginarium, he becomes a different actor, same person though. Tony, outside of the imaginarium (a mirror essentially that transports the visitor to a magical land of their imagination), is Heath Ledger, but as soon as he enters the mirror, he becomes another actor. This was a way of avoiding reshooting the entire movie and works for the most part. But I am not going to knock the film for its lack of continuity. I will knock it for other things, though. I will also give it praise.

This is the type of film that I hate to review. At moments it is a fantastic film that I must applaud for its pure creativity and all out madness. Yet, at other moments, I had to hang my head in sheer disappointment either from disappointing acting, an unraveling story that began so intriguing, or some spotty special effects. The premise for the film is an interesting one that spans out from the absurd, and pivots upon the ideals of making a deal with the devil. Doctor Parnassus makes multiple deals with the devil, and now it is time to pay. For this, he uses his powers (which he obtained ages ago) to transform a simple mirror into a gateway into one’s imagination. From there, they must conquer their vices and, if not, their soul becomes damned and claimed by Satan himself. What Doctor Parnassus does is try to present choices so that the world can “rule itself.” He tries to achieve this goal by making a traveling theater company which grabs members of the audience and makes them pass into the mirror. Once somebody enters the imaginarium, the pallet of the real world goes from dark and bleak into a burst of color and transforms the screen into a psychedelic adventure. At times in the imaginarium it is a fantastic whimsical land, but it can be spotty and sometimes easily dismissed. The story is also a very slow burning candle that has very little effort to help entertain the audience and get them to where they need to go and yet still manages to lose them at times.

This movie was an interesting thrill presented by the man who brought us Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas. It is a slight disappointment for it to be Heath Ledgers last moment on film. Overall, the movie is a very interesting story and presentation that may lose some audience on how it is approached. This movie is like paint drying on an M. C. Escher painting on acid.

By V-Dawg

The Minority Report - "Superbad" (2007)

One of the greatest comedies of our time. ‘Nuff said. So instead of a review, I will quote many of the unforgettable one-liners from the movie.

Evan: McLovin? What kind of a stupid name is that, Fogell? What, are you trying to be an Irish R&B singer?

Seth: Gimme that. All right, you look like a future pedophile in this picture, number 1. Number 2: it doesn't even have a first name, it just says "McLovin"!

Francis the Driver: Wait, don't do that. Alright, listen. I can get you alcohol. I'm going to this party right now, bro. Okay? It's got booze, it's got girls. Booze and girls equals... I don't know. Do you? I don't know. Do you? I think you do. Do you?

Seth: It’s like a three thing... its like ball, dick, ball.
Evan: It's like a division sign...

Seth: Yeah, but it doesn't actually show dick going in which is a huge concern.
Evan: Right, I didn't realize that.
Seth: Besides, have you ever seen a vagina by itself?
Evan: No.
Seth: [shakes his head] Not for me.

Seth: You know when you hear girls say 'Ah man, I was so shit-faced last night, I shouldn't have fucked that guy?' We could be that mistake!

Seth: You know how many foods are shaped like dicks? The best kinds.

Mark: What the hell is this?
Seth: I don't fucking - it's detergent!
Mark: Yeah, what are you doing with it?
Seth: ...I got fucking blood on my pants.

Seth: This plan's been fucked since Jump Street.

Fogell: I got a boner!

Now that you are now either in stitches cause you have seen the movie or completely confused, go watch the damn movie.

By V-Dawg

The Minority Report - "Dear John" (2010)

“No matter where you are in the world, the moon is never bigger than your thumb.”
Before you read any further, I want to say that this is my 1st Nicholas Sparks movie. I have heard much against his works (books), and much talk of “chick-flicks” or repetition. Considering this was my first viewing, it is a fresh start and, honestly, I didn’t dislike it like I thought I would. The movie was actually enjoyable. Even though the film was fraught with clichés and a foreseeable plotline (except for probably one major part), it is, above all, a nice movie that gives people the sad hopefulness that they were probably looking for when they decided to view it.

It centers on a man named John (Channing Tatum) that falls for a nice girl named Savannah (Amanda Seyfried) after he saves her purse from the dangers of slightly deep waters next to a pier. Their relationship then takes off for the huge expanse of 2 weeks, after which they openly admit that they have fallen for each other. John, though, is a military man, and must return for service. Leaving his lonely father, new acquaintances, and new love behind, he heads to the front lines in many army missions. Throughout the time he is away (12 months), he and Savannah agree that they will correspond via letters where they will detail everything about their lives to each other. Thus, their relationship takes off…and the law of entropy takes hold.

Overall, the movie is a nice break from the fast-paced and the comedy. The cinematography is somewhat stale: the main shots used are stills and lazy pans that make the movie move rather slowly. Apart from that, the clichés in the movie are undeniable (falling in love in 2 weeks, maintaining a relationship through letters, hunky guy with “girl next door,” etc.), and a couple scenes with Amanda Seyfried are acted at a sub-par level on her part. Beyond that, though, the movie was quite pleasant, and the feelings evoked by the main character (Channing Tatum) have the ring of honesty that one doesn’t see much in other movies. In the end, this movie is only worth seeing if you are in the mood for love, or if you have a significant other that you want to cuddle with and comfort. It basically boils down to every other “chick-flick,” but…I enjoyed it. This movie is like watching paint dry if the paint is attempting to make a long-distance relationship work.

By Kulguy