The Minority Report - "(500) Days of Summer" (2009)

“This is not a love story. This is a story about love.”
(500) Days of Summer is the chick-flick for guys. It is a story about a boy who falls in love and instead of like in a chick flick, where the perspective would be from the woman, it is heavily sympathetic in the male’s direction. The movie is a daring and interesting mix of comedy and drama presented in an essential way of filming. This movie has been out for a while, earned enough praise from more esteemed sources, and been picked and overlooked for its entirety. So, to take a new fresh spin on this review and put a little of a Watching Paint Dry spice, I will talk about the movie from the average man’s perspective.

The first time I saw this tale of one man’s persistent pursuit for what he thought was the girl of his dreams, it hit home for me. It touched parts of me and went deep into my life. And as I talked about the movie with more and more of my guy friends, it seems that it connected to them too. Yet, the females I talked to about this movie seemed to deem it as a slow-paced bore fest. I can see this effect, as this movie truly puts the evil of female indecision and the dire effect of male bluntness and assumptions forward. Maybe it was this that easily swept us into this great indie feeling movie, or maybe it was the absolute, pure hotness of Zooey Deschanel that dug into the male audience. All aside, though, Zooey plays the part of a slightly strange, anti social, girl next door type perfectly. Then, Joseph Gordon-Levitt does a great job playing the loser-like boy who just wants more in life, and also has great chemistry with Deschanel (did I mention she is hot?).

This movie is one of my favorites, and for me to review it may be biased. I may have a slight crush on Zooey Deschanel, and I also am a major sucker for movies with an indie feel, but please take my word when I say this tale of boy love girl, girl doesn’t love boy is fantastic. It is a must see, and great experience. Some complaints people may find in the movie is that it moves a little slow, primarily shows the perspective of the male, and may be a little too strange for the average movie watcher, but if you are looking for an artful, mature comedy, this is your best option. This movie is nothing close to watching paint dry (and is more like watching Zooey Deschanel for two hours!).

By V-Dawg

The Minority Report - "The Human Centipede (First Sequence)" (2010)

“*Muffled Screams and Cries*”
I had the…nauseating…pleasure of watching this movie when some of my friends invited me downstairs to a TV lounge. I had actually heard of the movie and had decided that it was a very original (albeit grotesque) concept, and I wanted to watch it if I had the chance. In all honesty, you can base whether you want to see this movie on the poster above, and on the quote right under it. I personally do not recommend it for people that have…stomachs. I find myself to be a person that can keep anything down when watching gory and horrible scenes in movies, but this movie made me feel ill.

The story revolves around two girls (Ashlynn Yennie and Ashley C. Williams) who get lost in Germany when their car breaks down. They run through the woods in vain to find someone to help, when they come across a house. In it, they are greeted by a demented doctor (Dieter Laser) who specializes in splitting Siamese Twins. Unbeknownst to them, the doctor has a great project planned for the two female specimens. Instead of splitting, he has decided to join…humans. He achieves this by connecting them through the gastrointestinal tract into one horrid creature.

The idea was, quite frankly, too original. The acting was a tad sub-par from the part of the head of the centipede (Akihiro Kitamura), even though all he had to do was scream a lot. The doctor’s character was, in fact, a very interesting creation on the part of Tom Six (the writer, director, etc.), and possessed many aspects to his personality that are revealed slowly throughout the movie. The cinematography is not like that of a normal horror or thriller; rather, the camera flows from scene to scene with an eerie sense of calm that is in a very obvious conflict with the situation at hand. Overall, though, the psychology behind the loss of free will is one that will resound within most of the people who watch this film. Would I recommend this movie to people? No. It is almost too much to take, and it will stay with you for a while after you watch it. Is it worth watching? Yes, actually. That is, if you can stand it (close to half of the viewing audience that watched it with me left before the movie was through). This movie is like watching paint dry…if the paint is connected to each other and forced to eat the prior’s excrement.

By Kulguy