The Minority Report - "Immortals" (2011)

“Immortals” is not the epic, “300”-level movie that people were anticipating. It will not be remembered, and will quickly fade from the memories of those who paid for this visual spectacle. This movie is essentially the film equivalent of fireworks. It is pretty to look at, the audience will “ooh” and “ah,” but it will not make you feel any emotion deeper than “man, this is pretty.” Really, this movie is like the hot blonde at the bar: full of attractive looks, but cannot carry on a conversation for longer than five seconds (no offense to blondes, you’re all lovely women). The point is that “Immortals” is not winning any awards, but is capable of holding your attention for the entire running time.

The story follows Theseus (Henry Cavill) and his exploits fighting the Hyperion army led by their king (Mickey Rourke), while the gods intervene to help prevent the release of the titans. The story has been told countless times and is cliché. The dialogue essentially boils down to primitive grunts and gestures. It is just an excuse to drive the story along to lead the audience from one stunning looking local or amazing fight scene to the next. Speaking of the fight scenes, they are over the top, ludicrously bloody, and grizzly—what else could you want!? The acting is as unimpressive as the script. Regardless, this film was entertaining.

In the end, Immortals is nothing too special. It will not change your life or make you think. But, if you are looking for a movie to just turn off your brain after a long week at work, then this movie will do the trick. It is as violent as it is gorgeous. It is like watching a beautiful painting of a shirtless man kicking ass dry.


By V-Dawg

The Caucasian Report - "I Love You Phillip Morris" (2010)

~Glorious gambits and grand profits~
I had wanted to see this movie for a while, but life had gotten in the way of me actually seeing it until recently. I know what you must be thinking, how could life get in the way of seeing a Jim Carrey movie? Well, I am just as stumped as you are. While we may never have the answer to this question, I will answer the questions you have been dying to know about this movie: is it really about a gay con man? Yes. Do Jim Carrey and Ewan McGregor make a cute couple? Debatable. Does it score a 10 on the laugh-o-meter? No. I was expecting this movie to be hilarious, and while there are definitely some funny parts, it is not meant to be extremely comical. Regardless, I enjoyed this movie and it is definitely worth seeing.

The movie opens with Steven Russell (Jim Carrey) explaining his life as a police officer, husband, and father. Everything seems completely normal for a while, until Steven gets into a car accident and has a moment of clarity—he wants to live the gay life. While still recovering in the hospital, he tells his wife Debbie (Leslie Mann), who is shocked of course, and leaves for Florida to start a new life. The problem is that living the gay life is expensive. In an effort to sustain a lavish lifestyle, Steven starts conning his way into massive amounts of money. He winds up in prison, where he meets Phillip Morris (Ewan McGregor), and almost immediately falls in love. What follows is their love story, complete with elaborate prison escapes and even more convincing cons.

Believe it or not, I think that Carrey might not have been the best actor to cast as the lead. This role highlighted his biggest weakness, crying scenes, and everything that goes along with it (like expressing modesty and humility). I always think the same thing when Carrey starts to cry on the screen: "This is a stretch.” However, McGregor was perfect as the character of Phillip Morris, and I was impressed with his performance. He portrayed the fearful outcast extremely well, as he was able to express vulnerability a lot better than Carrey. The plot was a bit jumpy, weaving between the past and the present several times. In that sense, it is one of those movies you have to pay attention to in order to understand what is going on. There are a few emotionally satisfying scenes scattered through the movie, so wait for those before you make any hard-and-fast judgments. This movie is like watching paint dry on a straight plaster mold and then realizing, upon more careful inspection, it is queerer than you first thought.


By WhiteChick

The Caucasian Report - "Contagion" (2011)

~Mutating Viruses and Moldering Corpses~
It was a Tuesday night at dinner, and two of my friends and I were discussing what we could do to avoid homework. That’s when one of them said that she had to see “Contagion” for a class, as she was supposed to report on five inaccuracies in the film. So, we decided, what better time than the present? We were looking for an excuse to get away from our studies anyway. So, a few hours later, we were headed to the theatre. I had absolutely no idea what to expect from the movie, but the fact that there were at least five inaccuracies did not help me form a positive impression. But hey, at least we accomplished the goal of evading our homework for the evening. That is, two of us did.

As the title describes, the movie is about the spread of disease. It starts off by depicting the story of the first victim of a new virus, Beth Emhoff (Gwyneth Paltrow). She is on her trip back home when she starts to feel ill. By the time she gets home, she is so sick that there is nothing doctors can do for her. Her husband, Mitch Emhoff (Matt Damon), receives the news of his wife’s passing in a fit of denial and rage. Soon, people in the area start dying at an alarming rate, but Mitch finds himself immune. At this point the CDC starts to get concerned, and we meet Dr. Erin Mears (Kate Winslet), an epidemiologist. She starts tracing the source of the disease by researching how victims are related and travels the country to set up clinics. Despite the efforts of the CDC to contain the disease, the epidemic becomes so serious that millions die in a matter of weeks. People desperately try to find home remedies for the disease, as the development of a vaccine turns out to be trickier than anticipated. The rest of the film follows Mitch, Dr. Mears, and the CDC in the race to stop the devastating virus.

This movie is very pretty to watch. What do I mean by that? I mean that it gets an A+ for cinematography, specifically with camera angles and movement. The movie was able to tell a story just with the filming technique employed. Most movies just film people, and therefore rely on people to tell the story. However, this film relied on people and places to tell the story along with seamless transitions and unique shots of inanimate objects. This technique worked very well with the theme of the movie, as we all know how important inanimate objects are in the story of the spread of disease. The parts where this technique is the most salient is at the beginning and the end of the film.

Storytelling is all well and good, but you must be dying to know what the five inaccuracies were. We actually found six! The first inaccuracy is the film explains that half of your immune system comes from your mother, and the other half comes from your father. This is not true, as genetics have nothing to do with immunity. Your immune system develops by coming into contact with foreign things, such as viruses, and creating antibodies to be employed in future defenses. The second inaccuracy is that the movie leads you to believe that a vaccine will work almost instantly, where in reality it takes about 26 days to incubate in your system before you acquire immunity. The third inaccuracy is that doctors tell Mitch he is immune to the virus before they knew what the virus really was. Therefore, they really had no way of testing for the presence of antibodies against the virus in his system. Fourthly, the incubation time for the virus was 24 hours in the film (to make it more threatening) which is a little too short. It usually takes 7-21 days for a virus to incubate and that’s why viruses are so difficult to detect. People can carry the virus without symptoms for awhile and unintentionally infect others. Fifth, the CDC said that the virus mutated and no one mentioned the need to develop another vaccine against the new strain of the virus. The last inaccuracy was the film employed the term pleomorphic to describe the virus, which is a little strange because this term is usually used to describe bigger cells, such as cells belonging to bacteria.

Now that the inaccuracies are out of the way, and that your inner nerd is satisfied, I have one more thing to give you a heads up about: you will wash your hands excessively for a few days after watching this movie, and will probably slightly panic if you sneeze or get a sore throat. This movie is like watching the journey of a tiny spec of paint as it grows and transforms into an unbelievable masterpiece.


By WhiteChick

The Minority Report - "50/50" (2011)

“50/50” does its name justice. It is a brilliant balance of humor and complete sadness. It does what most movies can't—capture the essence of life and how, in tragedy, there is great pain and yet someone can still find glistening hope and, yes, still laugh. It is a tale of pushing through hard times with the support of family and friends, finding out who you really are, and discovering the true character of the people around you. It can easily be said that this is one of the best movies of the year and should definitely be watched.

Do you remember the Adam sandier film "Funny People"? It tried to create a sense of juxtaposition between sadness and comedy—a dramedy, so to speak. But it failed miserably with a piss poor passing, a hard to love main character, and a multitude of other issues. It is almost as if “50/50” took all the mistakes of that film and reversed them. Joseph Gordon-Levitt plays a character who anyone can easily relate to; he is not in your face, and plays back on acting. He is a normal 27 year old, unsure of where he is and wants to be in life and is trying to figure everything out, but in this tempest, he finds out he has a rare form of cancer. The story follows him through the slow realization that cancer has highs of optimism and lows of hopelessness. It is a complicated affair and shows just how severely an occurrence like this can take a toll on a person. Seth Rogen plays his best friend, who at times can be hard to like, but at others melts your heart with his charm and humor. Anna Kendrick also has what is possibly her best acting debut to date, as an inexperienced psychologist that accompanies Gordon-Levitt throughout his emotional rollercoaster.

Cancer can inspire a multitude of effects. It can leave an individual weak and hopeless. Near death can truly bring out who you really are, but it also causes ripples of emotions to the ones around you. This is what this movie is about. Sure, the main character is suffering from an illness, but it is a true observation on how an illness can make the others around you sick, and how to rise above everything even if faced with death, and look towards life and live. In short, I laughed, I cried, and came out of the theater still bogged with the feelings the movie inspired in me. This movie is not like watching paint dry.


By V-Dawg

The Caucasian Report - "Crazy, Stupid, Love." (2011)

~One Night Stand Leads to Love Unplanned~
After watching the trailer for this movie, I said to myself, “That doesn’t even look good.” It appeared like another hopelessly cheesy romantic comedy. So why did I decide to go see it? Well, I thought that there was a chance that my first impression was wrong or that the trailer was misleading. The cast (Steve Carell, Julianne Moore, Emma Stone, Ryan Gosling) was also pretty convincing. When I left the theater, I was surprised at how much I enjoyed it. If you are if-y about seeing this movie like I was, then I say see it because you will be pleasantly surprised.

The movie starts off with a middle-aged man named Cal (Carell) who finds out that his wife, Emily (Moore), wants a divorce. Devastated, he moves out and starts going to a local bar where he meets Jacob (Gosling), a seasoned womanizer. Jacob takes Cal under his wing and proceeds to give him all the “tricks of the trade.” Cal attempts to pick up women night after night to no avail, and is shocked once it finally works. Soon thereafter Jacob meets a girl, Hannah (Stone), that he is interested in getting to know outside of the bedroom. Finding himself in uncharted territory, Jacob now turns to Cal for advice on relationships. During all of this, Cal’s babysitter, Jessica (Tipton), falls in love with him, despite the fact that she is only a teenager. To make things even more complicated, Cal’s son, Robbie (Jonah Bobo), falls in love with Jessica. Tensions and hormones rise between characters, making the rest of the movie pretty crazy and, at times, stupid.

Some romantic comedies go way overboard on emotional content, making them more characteristic of a chick flick, and others lean so far on the comedy side that they shouldn’t even be labeled as a “romcom.” However, this film balanced legitimate humor and heart-felt fuzzies in such a way that is characteristic of a reputable romantic comedy. For that reason, I would not put this film in the “cheesy” category like I thought I would. Also, the fact that there were so many love stories going on simultaneously really keeps you engaged, and it is done in such a way that is not too hard to follow everything that’s going on. Gosling’s performance stood out as it was basically the exact opposite of roles I am used to seeing him in (i.e. “The Notebook”), and it was an impressive transformation. I was also impressed with the twist that happens towards the end. When you watch it, you will know what I’m referring to. I was absolutely not expecting it, and I know most people in my audience weren’t either as I heard several gasps. If you saw it coming then let me know because I want to give you a high five. This movie is like watching different colors of paint drying at once, and realizing that the colors complement each other perfectly.


By WhiteChick

The Minority Report - "Rubber" (2010)

“All great films, without exception, contain an important element of no reason.”
A movie about a tire—yes, I was interested immediately. Before I knew it, I had already shown the trailer to four people, including V-Dawg. The reaction I got was the same: they would not pay money to see the movie. I disagreed. I felt that it was original and quirky enough to merit an opportunity. After a while, V-Dawg called me up and said that “Rubber” was playing in a theater near us and that we should go. Surprised by the change of opinion, I happily agreed. We took a group of people to watch the film, and what follows is my attempt at making sense out of nonsense.

The movie begins with a police officer talking to everyone watching the movie about the importance of nonsense in movies. Things, according to him, happen for no reason whatsoever, and he claims that the movie will take this basic tenet of the film industry to a new level. When he leaves, it is revealed that he was talking to a group of people that will be watching a movie. The only difference is that they are watching the ‘movie’ play out in real time and in real life through binoculars from a mountaintop next to a small town and a desert. Here’s where the story truly begins, for out in the desert lies a lonesome truck tire. Slowly, the tire is observed as it comes to life and moves on its own. The audience follows it in a voyage of self-discovery and consciousness as it attempts to make sense of the world around it. When it discovers a can on the ground, it rolls over it and crushes it. In its glee, it continues crushing miscellaneous objects until it comes across a scorpion and crushes it as well. It seems to notice that the animal was alive before, but that it had taken its life away. Taking some sort of sadistic pleasure from this fact, it continues crushing and killing small objects and animals until it comes across a glass bottle. Because of its sturdiness, the bottle isn’t broken by the continued assault of the psychotic tire. It becomes angered to the point where its entire body shakes and emanates some strange heat and sound until the bottle breaks apart—the tire also possesses telekinesis. It continues to kill other animals until it comes across a man in a gas station and kills him too. Now it is up to the police squad to find out who the mysterious killer is and why it is doing such things in an effort to provide the best entertainment to the audience that is still watching on the mountaintop.

This story within a story is, as V-Dawg very aptly put it, an anti-movie. The basic premise—a telekinetic psycho tire that achieves consciousness—is as ridiculous as it is far-fetched. With very distinct nods to famous movies throughout, irony and dark humor saturate the film. The filmmakers have to be given credit for creating a movie based around a main character that is literally a tire. Watching this film, you will feel everything from intrigue and sadness to confusion. The thing is, that is the point. It makes fun of movies and, consequently, of itself. It is a movie that fulfills the job of spreading its message of not taking anything seriously, seriously. The ultimate irony in the film is that in all its nonsense, it gets the point across beautifully and artistically. Even though it can be slow at times, it was an enjoyable tale of a tire that got a bit carried away. This movie is like watching paint dry on the side of a tire baking under the desert sun.


By Kulguy

The Minority Report - "Horrible Bosses" (2011)

“I was looking at your boss. She makes herself a little snack. A popsicle. A banana. And finally, a hot dog. And eating them in that weird order—that's not a proper meal!”
Seeing the trailer of this movie for the first time, I thought it was a delightful spin on the typical ‘my boss is a jackass’ movie. Taking it to the next level, this group of likely idiots, each with their own horrible boss, is faced with a quandary: what to do about their terrible superiors? Watching this with friends was quite enjoyable, and I got to see it relatively early when it came out in my island. I expected quite a bit from this movie, as I usually possess quite a bit of apprehension when it comes to comedies, and I am happy to say that it didn’t disappoint.

The story centers around Nick Hendricks, Kurt Buckman, and Dale Arbus. At the start of the movie, we get a glimpse of their lives at work and of their bosses. Nick’s boss is a megalomaniac that pushes everyone to the edge while always seeming to get his own way. While Nick was convinced that he was going to get a promotion for always being on time and working his butt off, his boss was actually never going to give him the promotion he so desired. Instead, he is told that if he quits, his boss will ruin his future careers by lying about everything Nick has ever done. Kurt’s boss was the nicest man ever, according to him. One day, though, he died in a car accident. This left his only son in charge of running the business. Too bad he was a cocaine sniffing, racist, sexist, crazy, overall terrible person to everyone except for prostitutes. Dale’s boss is a dentist who can’t help but sexually harass everyone she comes into contact with, but especially him. Even though he is engaged and in love, she won’t back off and goes so far as to threaten to out the things she has done to him to his fiancée if he quits. Together at a bar, they all share stories about their working lives to a choir of sympathy (except for Dale, whom both say shouldn’t be complaining). Eventually, a plan hatches out of a joke—kill each other’s bosses. What ensues is both a hilarious and enjoyable journey with a group of misfits that can’t handle the easiest of tasks.

With an air of “The Hangover,” the movie was undoubtedly funny. The situations they are put through at work resonate with anyone that has ever held a job, and make you feel enraged at their treatment. These characters are nice, honest people that decided to do something about their predicament. The way the direction and cinematography of the movie flows is interesting, though I can’t put my finger on where it comes from or why it feels different. The sure thing one can expect from a movie like this is that there is a reflection of each of us in these characters. You can see yourself in one of them in at least one scene. The humor also feels honest and realistic. They each occasionally talk over and expand each other’s comments in a way that we do every day. This is what I believe can make or break a comedy. It can be funny, but if it doesn’t feel honest, it loses its power. This movie is like watching paint dry in the many offices around the world where horrible bosses preside.


By Kulguy