The Minority Report - "Immortals" (2011)

“Immortals” is not the epic, “300”-level movie that people were anticipating. It will not be remembered, and will quickly fade from the memories of those who paid for this visual spectacle. This movie is essentially the film equivalent of fireworks. It is pretty to look at, the audience will “ooh” and “ah,” but it will not make you feel any emotion deeper than “man, this is pretty.” Really, this movie is like the hot blonde at the bar: full of attractive looks, but cannot carry on a conversation for longer than five seconds (no offense to blondes, you’re all lovely women). The point is that “Immortals” is not winning any awards, but is capable of holding your attention for the entire running time.

The story follows Theseus (Henry Cavill) and his exploits fighting the Hyperion army led by their king (Mickey Rourke), while the gods intervene to help prevent the release of the titans. The story has been told countless times and is cliché. The dialogue essentially boils down to primitive grunts and gestures. It is just an excuse to drive the story along to lead the audience from one stunning looking local or amazing fight scene to the next. Speaking of the fight scenes, they are over the top, ludicrously bloody, and grizzly—what else could you want!? The acting is as unimpressive as the script. Regardless, this film was entertaining.

In the end, Immortals is nothing too special. It will not change your life or make you think. But, if you are looking for a movie to just turn off your brain after a long week at work, then this movie will do the trick. It is as violent as it is gorgeous. It is like watching a beautiful painting of a shirtless man kicking ass dry.


By V-Dawg

The Caucasian Report - "I Love You Phillip Morris" (2010)

~Glorious gambits and grand profits~
I had wanted to see this movie for a while, but life had gotten in the way of me actually seeing it until recently. I know what you must be thinking, how could life get in the way of seeing a Jim Carrey movie? Well, I am just as stumped as you are. While we may never have the answer to this question, I will answer the questions you have been dying to know about this movie: is it really about a gay con man? Yes. Do Jim Carrey and Ewan McGregor make a cute couple? Debatable. Does it score a 10 on the laugh-o-meter? No. I was expecting this movie to be hilarious, and while there are definitely some funny parts, it is not meant to be extremely comical. Regardless, I enjoyed this movie and it is definitely worth seeing.

The movie opens with Steven Russell (Jim Carrey) explaining his life as a police officer, husband, and father. Everything seems completely normal for a while, until Steven gets into a car accident and has a moment of clarity—he wants to live the gay life. While still recovering in the hospital, he tells his wife Debbie (Leslie Mann), who is shocked of course, and leaves for Florida to start a new life. The problem is that living the gay life is expensive. In an effort to sustain a lavish lifestyle, Steven starts conning his way into massive amounts of money. He winds up in prison, where he meets Phillip Morris (Ewan McGregor), and almost immediately falls in love. What follows is their love story, complete with elaborate prison escapes and even more convincing cons.

Believe it or not, I think that Carrey might not have been the best actor to cast as the lead. This role highlighted his biggest weakness, crying scenes, and everything that goes along with it (like expressing modesty and humility). I always think the same thing when Carrey starts to cry on the screen: "This is a stretch.” However, McGregor was perfect as the character of Phillip Morris, and I was impressed with his performance. He portrayed the fearful outcast extremely well, as he was able to express vulnerability a lot better than Carrey. The plot was a bit jumpy, weaving between the past and the present several times. In that sense, it is one of those movies you have to pay attention to in order to understand what is going on. There are a few emotionally satisfying scenes scattered through the movie, so wait for those before you make any hard-and-fast judgments. This movie is like watching paint dry on a straight plaster mold and then realizing, upon more careful inspection, it is queerer than you first thought.


By WhiteChick