The Minority Report - "Sexdrive" (2008)

“Ease it back, man. That donut ain't fuckin' around.”
“Sexdrive” is a pure goofball comedy. It’s over the top and dives into that fact headfirst. It takes itself way too seriously, and all that does is heighten its funny factor. This may not be the funniest or best movie ever made, but it does have what a lot of movies lack—charm. Through its filth, cliché, cheese-ball humor, I still found myself relating with the lovably dorky characters and laughing at their hi-jinx.

“Sexdrive,” is the simple story of a high school outcast and his quest for booty. Ian (Josh Zuckerman) has a virtual girlfriend that he chats with, who eventually convinces him to drive over multiple state lines to visit her with the promise of sex. Ian is quick to react and steals his brothers’ 1969 GTO, nicknamed “The Judge.” He journeys the many miles with his friends, Lance (Clarke Duke) and Felicia (Amanda Crew), and they run into many extravagant situations in pursuit of the elusive act known as sex. Hilarity ensues as they meet up with colorful characters like hitchhikers, Amish people, and even an appearance from “Fall Out Boy.”

Overall, there is not much to say about this film besides that if you watch it, you will laugh and have a good time (that is, if you enjoy over the top, perverted comedies). It’s a college/high-school boy’s film all the way, as it has an abundance of gross humor and breasts (lots, and lots of breasts). Most of all, what I enjoyed about this movie was its charm, which is something comedies like this usually lack. It does sputter out near the end, but by then you will be far too invested in the movie to care. All in all, this is like watching paint dry, but the paint drying is on one of those painting of a naked, drunk French woman that 14 year-old boys will wank off to.

By V-Dawg

The Minority Report - "Låt den rätte komma in [Let the Right One In]" (2008)

“What happens if I don't? What happens if you walk in anyway?”
Some will hail this Swedish film as a cinematic masterpiece—this is because it is. Taking on the vampire genre isn’t as easy as it seems. Considering the fact that most people are trying to reinvent the vampire, it is always nice to see them go back to the good old days when there were limitations on their infinite powers. Before, vampires had to be allowed into one’s household, or else they would die a horrible and bloody death. This was done for obvious reasons: namely, the fact that an immortal being that needs to feed on human blood could just waltz into a house, kill everyone inside, and be done with most of the main characters of the story. I very much enjoyed the typical immortal vampire, Eli (Lina Liandersson), needing human blood to prevent her from going crazy and feeding like an animal. The vampires here also burst into flame because of the sun. It seems something so trivial, but many movies shy away from it while this one uses it to its advantage as a cinematic voyage.

The story follows a child by the name of Oskar (Kåre Hedebrant) who is suffering from being bullied at school by fellow classmates. His life is riddled with insecurities and problems with his family. His parents are divorced, and he spends much of his time doing things behind his mom’s back. One day, he meets a mysterious girl by the name of Eli on the playground outside his apartment complex. He finds out that she lives in the apartment beside his, and befriends her over the course of a few days. Thus begins a strange relationship that leads Oskar down a road he can never return from. Figuring that Eli isn’t like most other people, he seeks to not only find out who or what she is, but also to confront his own fears at the hands of his bullies.

Long scenic and dark shots pervade through the movie. The directing is very slow and methodical. It’s almost as if it was mimicking the passage of time as felt by Eli. The topics it tackles are very broad and mature for the type of movie it is. Not only does it explore the coming of age, but it also plays with the attractiveness of the unknown, true human sexuality, and overcoming horrendous fear. Possibly one of the best movies I have seen in a long time, this movie isn’t for those of you who wish for something a little fast paced. It is mainly story driven, and the actors are phenomenal. It is not like watching paint dry on the cold winter snow, splattered with blood.

By Kulguy

The Minority Report - "Repo! The Genetic Opera" (2008)

“I'm the monster. I'm the villain. What perfection. What precision! Keen incisions, I deliver. Unscathed organs, I deliver. Repossession, I deliver. I'm the Repo! Legal assassin!”
Set in a post-apocalyptic earth, this indie movie gives a chilling representation of the decrepit nature of the human race after an epidemic of organ failures. Coming before “Repo Men,” this movie is the first adaptation of The Reposession Mambo. With a cast of interesting and fairly unknown actors, the movie does well to show the pain and suffering of this distraught world kneeling before a totalitarian corporation. This movie is, in fact, a rock opera, so it is structured like a musical. The interesting thing is that they meld both opera and modern rock into one. The singing is very well done, with many fantastic singers in a well organized way. The emotions are conveyed as they need to be, and the father-daughter relationship was etched very well into the viewers mind.

The story centers around a man by the name of Nathan Wallace (Anthony Steward Head) that works for a megacorporation in 2056 called GeneCo. This corporation, run by the deathly ill (ironically) Rotti Largo (Paul Sorvino), solved the problem of organ failure by providing artificial organs as pseudo loans. Basically, one has to make monthly payments to GeneCo for survival and maintenance of the organ to be guaranteed. If payments are missed, in comes the Repo Man. These people are very specialized assassins whose one and only job is to kill the owner of an organ that hasn’t been paid for and reclaim it for GeneCo. Nathan Wallace just happens to be one of those Repo Men, and is very conflicted about his work and his daughter, Shilo Wallace (Alexa Vega). Shilo has a very strong opposition to GeneCo and doesn’t know that her father repossesses organs. The quest for her own identity brings her into conflict with the megacorporation and with her own father.

With many colorful characters such as the fantastic real-life opera singer, Sarah Brightman (who plays Blind Mag, a woman who owes her whole life and career to GeneCo), to the writer, director, and producer of the film, Terrance Zdunich (playing the narrator, GraveRobber), to the amazingly awful Paris Hilton (who plays Amber), this movie has its highs and lows. Although the characters (not Nathan and Shilo) and the world of 2056, itself could have been explored more, this movie did a pretty good job of providing a glimpse into a ruined world. More budget and a stronger plotline (location and setting wise) could have made this movie much better and enjoyable since the action was slightly jumpy and incoherent at times. Overall, though, the movie achieves its purpose of grossing one out, while maintaining the viewer’s pity for the man whose job it is to legally murder other people. This movie is like watching paint dry on a wall that has been cut open and is missing an organ.

By Kulguy